meander, keep moving, that's what it's all about isn't it?! not the hokey pokey, that just CAN'T be what it's all about...

Sunday, May 23, 2004

from a few days back...

20/5: Next month sees me increase my jobs to 3!! Holy snorkel! Now this might sound insane on top of the volunteering (which I'm not counting in the three), however the third job is door-bitching every Thursday for 4 weeks. I must say I feel I am an excellent door bitch; I haven't done it for a while but I am sure it's something you never lose your flair for.
Constant sarcastic throws of 'nope, dont believe you, show me your ID' and heckles of 'come one, come all' shall ensue I am sure.

en·sue ( P ) Pronunciation Key (n-s)
intr.v. en·sued, en·su·ing, en·sues
To follow as a consequence or result.
To take place subsequently.
(Courtesy Dictionary.com)

21/5: I've been thinking some more about this business opportunity that I may or may not have available to me (depending on what Mr Bank Manager has to say probably). I do want some feedback because... well the main problem I can see is that I have been setting my sights on moving to Brisneyland. If I were to purchase this business with the intent of becoming an owner/operator, it's not likely that I will be going anywhere.

I like the idea of Adelaide as a place to settle, but in between time; now; when there is just me, I feel I really should be taking advantage of the fact I can travel/move etc without burden. And yet, this said, I would like to go to Brisneyland but is it going to change enough circumstance to keep me satisfied, or make me more miserable?! I guess that's the risk you take with everything really isn't it?

I feel lonely, I feel lost, I feel that I am without direction, I feel without a career! And I feel like I need a good large kick in the pants.

There are a bunch of things I need to find out about the business before I make my final decision on it. The person only wants to sell it to me now though, which is interesting consdiering they hardly know me (though a friend is already employed there so so partly knows me). It's making my head hurt!

today: I wrote a really emotion filled e-mail last night to my friend who is leaving soon. I think it's said everything I need to say (nearly). I mainly want them to know how much I will miss them when they go, as they are such a strength and has this amazing way of making me feel protected and safe when I'm around him.

This said, my dreams last night were filled with all these visions of closeness between us. Not sexual at all, but just the fact that we do find comfort in each others company. I'd like to think that we do. I hope he feels that.

I don't want him to go, but at the same time would never try to stop him. He needs this.

Damn. I didn't want to make myself cry, and I just did. Fuck me.

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