lonely and sadly alone...

Well, you know I have to be honest here, on Friday I felt terribly alone, sitting in the lounge devouring red wine, after buying frozen sweet potato fries and baking some fish, then watching some dodgy movie on teevee that was neither fantastic nor offensive to me. You know those movies.

It could well be that 'festival remorse' is real. I mean let's face it, several times a year (well, okay, a lot of the year) I spend my time with my festival families. Then I have to leave them. All of a sudden it's "goodbye, see you next year" - as we're all transient bastards, let's not lie about it.

Spending a few weeks in Sydney was both overwhelming and lovely at the same time. Met a wonderful new crew of peoples, but also felt particularly out of place in that city. Everyone seems too well dressed, or perhaps it was just that I saw a lot of corporate people and that generally makes me shudder. There's a difference between a nice suit and a dude standing on a corner with one of those blue tooth headsets (i thought no-one used them anymore, turns out I was wrong) looking like he's talking to himself, but it being about something terribly important like the next big thing, or budgeting or some crap.

I did, however, enjoy the fact that a bunch of people were coming together to watch footage and ideas from across the globe in many languages. It really has reignited my fascination for film (like it was ever  really gone? i guess other things took precedence in recent years) and think fondly of those friends within that industry thinking 'bravo'.

And GO TEAM BOX OFFICE.

This festival remorse will become all the worse I am sure when I return to Canada soon to help out on Shambhala and have to head back to the Land Of Oz so quickly. I had such an amazing time there last year, even if I did sound like Darth Vadar for a few days and get hooked up to some oxygen therapy. And I had camping neighbours that had yip-yip costumes.

So... Festival Number 36 will you please stand up...

That continual feeling that I belong in that country instead of my own will probably never pass. I've got this strange feeling I will always regret leaving when I did, and always regret not checking out what the requirements would have been for me to stay.  I didn't want to work a lot when I was there, I made that choice, I developed other skills and kept everything flexible to fit in with my disappearing act type lifestyle.

We are so lucky here, and I get jack of people that complain and scare monger, do things for their own gain. Like SUCK IT UP all of you, we have low unemployment, medical care for all, a Government that is actually moving towards decreasing our environmental impact... I mean of course not all of these things are perfect, we are still fighting for many important things to be heard / passed / understood. But to whine and moan about pricing and such, think less. It's always more.

Do you really NEED 3 televisions, 2 cars, shoe hire, hot dog, fries and a coke?! To run your air conditioner or heater 24 / 7, then cry about electric bills?! Put on a jumper!

Our shitty media largely to blame for our over-consumption of just about everything. You need the latest gadget man, seriously, you do... *scoff*.

Look outside it, and get involved in what is local to you.

{ Actually can I ad that some of the television advertising I have seen lately REALLY gives me the shits. Clubs Australia trying to convince us that they are part of a solution... banks using high profile celebs to make them sound like a charity... mining companies trying to prove that they work along side environmental projects. Y'all make me sick. }

here ends the ranting...

in eight days...

or thereabouts, I shall be boarding yet another plane to head off over the great worlds oceans to somewhere I haven't been yet.

Recent experiences again fulfilling me however there was still confusion and hollowness in my being. At least I can say I've dumped smoking, and on a professional note, achieved what I had wanted to in my time back. Health wise not so much, but the knocking on the head of the smoking is the beginning of course. I give myself permission to eat unhealthy shit for at least a little while. That will stop very soon indeed.

Woah, slightly deep, okay so hey it's 1:08am. (At least that first sentence in the last paragraph!) I am contemplating the fact that I have about a week left in my home country before going exploring again, I know I am still pretty broke and therefore have to find work straight away once arriving, which is kind of shite.

More and more so lately I have wished beyond anything that money was not the object that we are all constantly up against.

And also further can't stop thinking about what actual aspect of festivals / performing / the arts I would really want to be in. Whilst never pursuing the 'on stage' part of my teens, somehow it is evident that it is there, wriggling away deep down inside. The fucking wimp pussy part of me thinks that just being the supporter (producer, executive producer or otherwise) of others is a wiser idea. Perhaps the idea of failure is what I dread.

Then again it's the old thing of if you don't try how the hell would you ever know.

Come on brain, stop fucking around and get to the point would you??!

Indeed.

xx

it's raining...

not men, but outside.

so curious things have been happening... annoyed online friends that i mention boys.... well i can't help that.

i have no idea what to write there are many things going through my head.

i am starting a months work tomorrow, temping. the only thing that worries me is the possible travelling time, because even tho it should realistically take me no more than 20 mins, the traffic here is so unpredictable it's hard to know. i guess i'll gauge it tomorrow.

we've churned through arrested development all three seasons recently at wilton street, now we're back onto starting at episode one of sex and the city. by the time its over i might have some cash to get house season 3.

the dvd collection is kind of getting out of control, it's not that it's a bad collection, but once you get stuck into a collection it's kind of hard to stop. it kind of makes me a big consumer doesn't it?

still desperately trying to go through and cull things. there's an op shop bag, an ebay box and a stuff to give to friends who have kids that are just awesome bag.

had a nice time slothing with a friend watching death proof for like the fourth time...

that's all for now.
xJ

I Am Legend

yep... my dad was totally right... this movie whilst having me practically on the edge of the seat for the entire thing... had quite a sucky ending!

you gotta give credit to will smith tho cos i mean he was acting to himself or CGI for a whole lot of the film, and that can definately be challenging. much like emile hirsch in into the wild...

last night we ate til we could not eat any more at Jerusalem on Hindley Street... Philo, Carol, Sam and I... and I must say great conversation, great company and great food... what more could you ask for in a dinner gathering?! not much!!

thanks so much guys. love yas.

xJ

Moooovies...

yes i seem to have wasted a lot of time watching some on the weekend... well not wasted i suppose however...

Confetti - British comedy flick about a wedding magazine running a competition for the most original wedding. completely classic characters and generally a laugh.

Fight Club - Do i need to explain this? The First Rule of Fight Club... you do not talk about fight club...

1408 - oh well first of all it has John Cusack AND Samuel L Jackson (looking rather debonaire as he ages i must say)... that room was so MEAN to Cusack in the flick. Just really great though. Except i didnt quite get the end bit... did i miss something? well worth the watch. more a thriller than a horror...

Deathproof - oh. my. god. if youre a chick feeling down and you want to feel the girl power... get this out. its freakn awesome. featuring some of the worlds best stunt CHICKS, a completely awesome car chase or two, and a little bit of gore (well it is tarantino what do you expect). WICKED. i was not disappointed. just loved it. the very very end made me laugh my ass off. great!

have a lovely day.
xJ

the 2008 list of things to do...

last year i made a list with the help of erin and narelle... did 'okay' on it but not spectacularly.
so this year i made a shorter list...

1. House sit in RADelaide in winter - yes that's happening very soon
2. One movie a month - well i've already screwed that one
3. SWIM!
4. One book a month - screwed that one too but only by one month
5. get paid to work on at least one festival... yeh i'll work on that
6. visit bEC and Evo is tasmania - done
7. cook one new recipe per fortnight - ok i'm behind on this one too, that's what housesitting in RADElaide is for
8. Record some covers with Nigel
9. Quit stinking job before it kills me - done
10. Dont get your heart broken.

so i'll keep you posted on these...

xJ

Sicko...

So.... last night after being at Claire's for a little girly afternoon, I hired some DVD's including Sicko which I've been wanting to watch for a while.

Jeez, all I can say is that I am so glad I don't live in the US. No offence to any of you, I love visiting america, but to be bankrupt just because you get sick is completely ridiculous.

Obviously our health system also has flaws. I cannot speak for those who have needed to be hospitalised but I have had LOTS of testing and appointments in the last few years. Medicare pays a reasonable amount I believe... i have been for one lot of x-rays on my neck, one lot of my knee, an ultrasound on my knee and a CT scan on my spine, all of which were just billed straight to medicare and I didn't pay a cent.
if i go to the doctors i have to pay upfront about $50 but then i just walk into any medicare office and end up actually paying about $15 to see my doctor. it might take me 20 mins to wait to get a cash refund over the counter.
the only medication i'm prescribed permanently costs me about $20 for a 4 month supply because i assume its on the PBS list.
when i see an alternate therapist (eg. i see an osteo at least once a month) - this is covered by my private health provider and instead of costing me $65 per visit it costs me $27.'
my private extras cover with the health fund (covers extra things like basic dental treaments and alternative therapies, even money for your gym if you want... blah blah) costs me $31 a month.
obviously its not a perfect system what we have but we all pay a medicare levy with our taxes, and i feel that a lot of preventative care is covered as well. which is nice.
well certainly a lot better than the US system.

i expect a mass exodus from the US to france!!

well done michael, again, for a fine doco.



xJ