Another day, another tape dubbed....

Talk about going into a time-warp! Yes I dubbed off video footage of some girlfriends and I on a cruise boat in early 1999, amongst other things. Hilarity.

One thing was for sure, I was ultimately miserable with my boyfriend at the time.  I also dragged out the last remaining box of random stuff (that I know of) in my parents house and have been going through old letters and such.  This included letters FROM said boyfriend, of which are all now in the recycling. What a joke, truly. You realise how far you came since getting rid of something so toxic out of your life.  So long ago *sigh*.

The tape also had really short bursts of footage from my old home just North of Adelaide. Friends doing stupid shit like discussing why christ was ultimately in smarties chocolate, and making a bunch of toys dance to random music. And failing at buying milk, apparently. It actually prompted me to look up a few people to see if I could find them in the social media sphere. I found a couple and sent them messages explaining what shenanigans I had found.

Still have a number of VHS tapes to go through, it is quite fun really. One tape I knew I wouldn't bother keeping but thought I would watch was very early season South Park.  I was feeling rather under the weather yesterday, a cold is trying desperately to get me but I won't let it!  So I slothed in front of the box whilst looking through paperwork and watched a half dozen episodes at least of that, then put the tape in the box with the others to go to the recycle place.

On the membership card challenge front (only a few days until the end of the month - EEK!), I put one for a nail salon in the recycling. Ultimately I tend to only do that girly stuff whilst in North America once I've destroyed my feet at a couple festivals over the summer there. Besides the business was actually pretty average and I know I won't go back.

I've asked the company I was querying AGAIN about their fair trade, workers rights, environmental practices. I'd sent them an email about it over a month ago when they queried what kind of information I was after. They never came back to me.  We shall see. They have about 5 days to do so or bye bye membership card.

I've downloaded the PDS and the other information from the Super fund I am most likely to switch to. NO investment in fossil fuels whatsoever. It's brand new. Some people might think it a gamble, but realistically, I'll be working probably another 35 years so sod it. I'd rather have a clear conscience than worry about if money will be there or not - at least right now.

Namaste.

xJ

lonely and sadly alone...

Well, you know I have to be honest here, on Friday I felt terribly alone, sitting in the lounge devouring red wine, after buying frozen sweet potato fries and baking some fish, then watching some dodgy movie on teevee that was neither fantastic nor offensive to me. You know those movies.

It could well be that 'festival remorse' is real. I mean let's face it, several times a year (well, okay, a lot of the year) I spend my time with my festival families. Then I have to leave them. All of a sudden it's "goodbye, see you next year" - as we're all transient bastards, let's not lie about it.

Spending a few weeks in Sydney was both overwhelming and lovely at the same time. Met a wonderful new crew of peoples, but also felt particularly out of place in that city. Everyone seems too well dressed, or perhaps it was just that I saw a lot of corporate people and that generally makes me shudder. There's a difference between a nice suit and a dude standing on a corner with one of those blue tooth headsets (i thought no-one used them anymore, turns out I was wrong) looking like he's talking to himself, but it being about something terribly important like the next big thing, or budgeting or some crap.

I did, however, enjoy the fact that a bunch of people were coming together to watch footage and ideas from across the globe in many languages. It really has reignited my fascination for film (like it was ever  really gone? i guess other things took precedence in recent years) and think fondly of those friends within that industry thinking 'bravo'.

And GO TEAM BOX OFFICE.

This festival remorse will become all the worse I am sure when I return to Canada soon to help out on Shambhala and have to head back to the Land Of Oz so quickly. I had such an amazing time there last year, even if I did sound like Darth Vadar for a few days and get hooked up to some oxygen therapy. And I had camping neighbours that had yip-yip costumes.

So... Festival Number 36 will you please stand up...

That continual feeling that I belong in that country instead of my own will probably never pass. I've got this strange feeling I will always regret leaving when I did, and always regret not checking out what the requirements would have been for me to stay.  I didn't want to work a lot when I was there, I made that choice, I developed other skills and kept everything flexible to fit in with my disappearing act type lifestyle.

We are so lucky here, and I get jack of people that complain and scare monger, do things for their own gain. Like SUCK IT UP all of you, we have low unemployment, medical care for all, a Government that is actually moving towards decreasing our environmental impact... I mean of course not all of these things are perfect, we are still fighting for many important things to be heard / passed / understood. But to whine and moan about pricing and such, think less. It's always more.

Do you really NEED 3 televisions, 2 cars, shoe hire, hot dog, fries and a coke?! To run your air conditioner or heater 24 / 7, then cry about electric bills?! Put on a jumper!

Our shitty media largely to blame for our over-consumption of just about everything. You need the latest gadget man, seriously, you do... *scoff*.

Look outside it, and get involved in what is local to you.

{ Actually can I ad that some of the television advertising I have seen lately REALLY gives me the shits. Clubs Australia trying to convince us that they are part of a solution... banks using high profile celebs to make them sound like a charity... mining companies trying to prove that they work along side environmental projects. Y'all make me sick. }

here ends the ranting...

so... what's been happening then...??

well it's been an interesting couple of months that is for sure.

firstly, it's so much easier to make money here. Making headway on debt and had a new contract with the Garden of Unearthly Delights, met some wonderful people and worked hard. Still, the reigning champion of individual sales wants her trophy ;)

I started living in a place with some nice people, that was until one of them turned out to be a knob-jockey with no control over emotions. Look, if you ask me a question, I'm going to answer it. Simple. And if you can't take what the answer might be, then don't ask the question. That's the brunt of it without going in to any more detail.

I've lived in enough share houses to know that having someone scream at you for no apparent reason is just NOT cricket.

The peeps at work and the others I lived with were a great support to me during this time, and I thank you all.

In other news, stupid body has been flaring up again. It was almost as if it rejected a job where I had to sit down sometimes, then again I can't say I've been as active as I was being overseas so therefore body went RAAR. Had some more scans on my spine and hips and happy to say that actually it seems that what was a 'broad based disc herniation' is now less severe. It's still putting some pressure on nerves but not nearly as bad. So it seems it is primarilly muscular and I hope with some help from therapists, that body will be less munty in no time.

Moving all my crap outta my house didn't help I suppose, but there you go.

So it's the first time in my life I've had stuff in a storage unit, and that feels kind of okay, but it's so transitional - though I suppose I am used to that by now.

The most frustrating thing is knowing I can't currently get back to Canada in any other way except as a 'visitor'. Lame. Totally LAME. There was rumour that they would be upping the limit on ages for work permits, but so far it hasn't happened. Very sad indeed.

I regret coming back early nearly every single day. I guess because I know my friends in Australia will always be here, and will never reject my insane decisions to disappear to foreign lands... and it's the same for those in North America. But I feel way more connected to Canada than I do to Australia right now.

Further, trying to decide on which course of study to take and all is frustrating me. I have many doubts about my ability to stay focussed because I have trouble deciding on which things to focus on in the first place.

Some things never change though: I really like crossword books. Feels like it keeps my brain active.

Looking forward to seeing all my Melbourne friends very soon, off there Tuesday for another Melbourne International Comedy Festival version of SHENANIGANS and a new challenge working up at the Trades Hall.

Remembering fondly though those we have lost in the past year as I return there... Ash and Dori, you are sorely missed and nothing will ever be the same. Both taken from us too soon. We love you.

xJ

ok brain...

so unfortunately I am getting a slight case of the dreaded lurgy and therefore feeling rather average... it's only ever so slight though so hoping it doesn't linger for long.

point one, brain: smoking because your friend died is stupid. it will kill you.

point two, brain: save save save... save money. Yes i know i can do this one, providing I can earn a little more of it. (though my thoughts on this part of humanity are well known, me no likee money)

Well you know the universe always provides. I have been having a grand time over here in Canadaland recently. I do acknowledge that there are some behaviours that are slightly stupid on my behalf. But certainly am curbing my enthusiasm for them ever so slightly.

Lost in your little realm of stupidness.

I enjoy the company of good people, the financial thing does stress me a little. No wonder there are such social struggles here in BC. A guy asked for a couple quarters last night and then in his frustration said 'why will no-one give me it' and I had to answer 'because i'm on the poverty line too mate'... i mean i know my situation, looking at this particular guy, is way better. But it's the absolute truth. Slowly I am making headway. I monitor everything I spend and barely get any play money. Finding $50 on the street the other day meant I could buy pants for my theatre job and drink a few beers with a good friend. That was that. $50 kerblammo, bye bye, there you go.

But yes and of course as I suspected he was asking for change for the bus to get to MAIN STREET and HASTINGS. I could rant about what I thought immediately, firstly it would make me look like an arse, and secondly, who am I to judge?! These poor bastards in that part of downtown Vancouver do have it rough. They all have a story. And I would like to try and support the facilities in that area at least a little bit through the Hostel with our penny rolling initiatives and such.

The other week we rolled $133.50!!!! for the Pot Luck Cafe in the Downtown Eastside. I need to take it all to the bank and get the donation in something other than pennies, and started to make a nice poster for them with photos of the travelers who helped last night to give to them. I'm pretty happy with it and will put it up on here when it's finalised. (for those who haven't been here, rather than bag coins up like you do in Aus, you have to roll them into little containers to change them at the bank, it took the kids 2.5 hours to complete!)

So, back to my brain... it often plays tricks on me. Swirls around and around with the same little thoughts until they totally engulf and depress me. I'm getting better at controlling it. I've come up with one reason why it does this so often, therefore that habit has to stop.

Pretty simple really. Sometimes you think these things help, then you realise they hinder.

Should have been much clearer considering the relationships I've had with people over the years...

onwards and upwards...

xx

in eight days...

or thereabouts, I shall be boarding yet another plane to head off over the great worlds oceans to somewhere I haven't been yet.

Recent experiences again fulfilling me however there was still confusion and hollowness in my being. At least I can say I've dumped smoking, and on a professional note, achieved what I had wanted to in my time back. Health wise not so much, but the knocking on the head of the smoking is the beginning of course. I give myself permission to eat unhealthy shit for at least a little while. That will stop very soon indeed.

Woah, slightly deep, okay so hey it's 1:08am. (At least that first sentence in the last paragraph!) I am contemplating the fact that I have about a week left in my home country before going exploring again, I know I am still pretty broke and therefore have to find work straight away once arriving, which is kind of shite.

More and more so lately I have wished beyond anything that money was not the object that we are all constantly up against.

And also further can't stop thinking about what actual aspect of festivals / performing / the arts I would really want to be in. Whilst never pursuing the 'on stage' part of my teens, somehow it is evident that it is there, wriggling away deep down inside. The fucking wimp pussy part of me thinks that just being the supporter (producer, executive producer or otherwise) of others is a wiser idea. Perhaps the idea of failure is what I dread.

Then again it's the old thing of if you don't try how the hell would you ever know.

Come on brain, stop fucking around and get to the point would you??!

Indeed.

xx

hmmm... perhaps this doesn't even make sense... RANT!

Mission almost accomplished.... well, you know, not bad i say. not bad indeed.

so my original intention was to return to Australia with the idea of making festivals my full time working environment. And who woulda thunk it?! It's actually worked.

No doubt there have been a few stressful moments. Playing catchup financially is not fun, lack of communication on some organisers parts also not fun. Train lines being disrupted for upgrades JUST as I arrive somewhere, floods, etc etc.

In the reality of it all though, I guess those things are minor. My main problem is, I guess, that I decided a while back the corporate world is not for me. However I have also always had a regular pay cheque. 13 years of regular pay cheques in fact, give or take a few months. And therefore when I am not 100% certain when the next one will hit my bank account, get a little stressed.

It's really unfortunate that my stress is about money, considering how non-capitalist my brain feels about our world and the universe.

It's certainly occurred to me the easiest way to fix that stress is to beat the crap outta my credit card and get rid of it. It shall take some time indeed, but it's a big one for me. Definitely high on my priority list. Once it's gone I really can fully relax.

Whilst I recognise that we get paid exceptionally well compared to some other countries here in Australia, I can also acknowledge that we get ridiculously ripped off with most things here also. I guess I've always known that but not taken it so seriously as now.

As an example of a 'local' issue: The big wigs of capitalism can argue all they like for a GST to be put on imported items bought online and all that garb, but the truth is... why can we buy something for $2.99 including postage from Hong Kong when it costs $25 in a shop here. Markup? Taxes? What the hell? So why wouldn't people just import items independently from overseas, via online shopping. Besides, a GST on something like that will only add another 30cents, so it's really not going to do much. They think they are losing out. Well I tell you what, I've never bought anything except a mobile phone from Hardley Normal anyways. Guess I'm less of a consumer than some.

It kind of makes me think though that perhaps, finally, with all of the news local and international and the natural disasters and all, people really are beginning to take stock. Perhaps they're donating their money and their time and even giving away items they discover they don't really need, rather than going in droves to buy new stuff. For some people this has always been normal, for others maybe it's a new revelation. I'd like to think it's making more people socially aware, even though occurrences lately are pretty disastrous on a human and a natural environment scale.

ranty rant rant. that's all for now. xx

Terry Goodkind - I think you're pretty awesome...

yeh so I do... and I'm ridiculously behind with the series I know, I know...

So I just finished reading Chainfire... there are at least two if not more books beyond this I am yet to read, and have just seen a new Richard / Kahlan book will arise in 2011.

I also didn't know there was a television show made out of the story. I mean, come on, have I been living in a bubble?!

Oh right, I was living in Brisbane.

Chainfire was a great read, once again, I hadn't really recalled the final parts of the previous book, perhaps a re-read at some point in the future, but you know you always get those little snippets of past events whilst reading, therefore it all made sense.

And so it begins... a great battle I am sure is about to ensue. And yet I am at the end with the answers to the puzzle, but not the battle to proceed it. ARGH! I hate it when that happens.

So anyways I will order the book to arrive before me in Banff, but am on to Chris Carlsson's NOWTOPIA, which he kindly signed for me at the group discussion a week or so back.

Oh... here is my 2010 list in case I have not posted it thus far... in fact I probably haven't... and you know, actually, I am not going so badly on some items:

1. Volunteer on at least 10 festivals - thus far, 1. Laneway (Brisbane), 2. Soundwave (Brisbane), 3. In The House (Vancouver), 4. Car Free Vancouver Day (Commercial Drive, East Van), 5. Vancouver Jazz Festival (starts today, my first shift is Sunday), Upcoming: 6. Victoria SkaFest (second week July), 7. Van Folk Fest (16-18 July), 8. Calgary Folk Fest (August)...

2. Get paid on at least 5 festivals - thus far, 1. Melb International Comedy Festival...

3. Pay 2K off credit card.... NEXT!!!

4. Lose 10 kilos... I have no idea how much I weigh so who knows

5. Travel to Canada, USA including Alaska.... part 1 complete!

6. Knock cholesterol down to 5.5 - yay hereditary illnesses!

7. Don't take jobs you don't care about!! - well i did one shitty job for the first couple months of this year but it was a means to an end (getting to MICF and getting OUT of Brisbane and getting TO Canada, so i kind of forgive myself for it)

8. Learn some french.... NEXT!!!

9. Plant some trees / learn about horticulture.... been researching this one... standby...

10. Read lots more books!! - 1. The Tale of Genji, Lady Murasaki (in progress) /2. Chainfire, Terry Goodkind / 3. Nowtopia - Chris Carlsson (currently reading)...

standby i said, standby...

foxtrot uniform charlie kilo... breaker breaker, do you read me?!

xx

saving money the julie faye way...

hi folks.....

well here's some little tips in case you feel like trying to save some cash...

1. if you're paying your mobile phone company a monthly fee for insurance to protect said mobile phone... and have a contents insurance policy for where you live... check whether or not your insurance policy covers 'accidental damage'.
   
   Mine in particular does and it turns out I've been paying $10ish a month for the last two years to the mobile phone co unnecessarily... i know that ultimately that's not much, but hey, $10 a month is $10 a month. Why pay two companys for the same service? Silly.
   
   So I cancelled it's arse.
   
2. check the connection rates and rates per kwh on your electricity and gas bills. if you have two companies providing your utilities, check if one will provide any discount for you to have both services with them. even if their quarterly connection fees and kwh pricing is the same, no harm in getting 5 or 10% off for having both services with them. besides, convenience of one bill would be nice. less paper and less time.
   
   i e-mailed a couple companys that i have services with and asked them some questions that i couldn't answers on from their website. hopefully they'll get back to me soon.
   
   well, i guess if they want to keep my business they will get back to me. poosers.
   
3. see if your bank offers a lower rate credit card. I was getting sprayed with interest every month in exchange for having a frequent flyer program connected to it. now the frequent flyer points were useful when i used to fly more often, but i barely use them now. turns out i can save 8% in interest by switching to a different one. (in my case initially that will be about $34/month)
   
   and so i have.
   
   if you have a service like this you are really seeing no benefit in, just get rid of it.
   
   by the way, flybuys is for chumps. it seems to be to follow what people are spending their cash on and is way hard to ever redeem anything. hence the reason i got rid of mine like 10 years back!
   
4. make your lunch.
   
   i am the first to admit I am crap at this. it's been quite humid and almost too hot to cook so i've not bothered, but consider that i work in an office, sometimes stop for a toasted sandwhich for breakfast, am obsessed with coca cola which is really expensive unless you buy it in bulk, and usually go out for a sandwhich at lunch. even tho it doesn't seem like much before you know it it's honestly $20 a day.
   
   so, in essence, i spend $100 a week just for lunch. which is totally lame. i am the first to admit it. I used to be really good at making big meals and taking them to work and am not sure why i became so complacent. this will change.
   
5. well the other thing is... if there is stuff sitting in your house (or in boxes under other peoples houses) that you never use / read / play with but that are in good nick and someone else will appreciate more and use rather than having them sit under your house, sell them on ebay.
   
   i've been doing this for a while (i guess gumtree is another good option too) because when i spent 3 months in adelaide i was finally able to go through the 16+ boxes of stuff left at mum and dads. there were plenty of collectable books and such that i had kept for the 'collectable' reason but when i thought about it, they'd been sitting there for 4 years... and that's just stupid. mum and dad need their shed and i don't need to keep so much random stuff.
   
   anyways, i like ebay, people have been thrilled to get their hands on some of the music and books i have had stashed away, and it kind of gives me a feeling of satisfaction having sent it to someone who really appreciates it.... plus that little bit of spending money.
   
   be warned tho, you'll probably see something YOU like on ebay and spend some of that cash you earned. hehe.
   
6. i guess 6 should be quit smoking, but i'm not that worried about it.

more soon. i know that was all silly and self indulgent and possibly more like self-help, but i felt like sharing.

much love, xJ