now that was an album title or a book, I can't particularly remember...
however, yesterday I got a call from my oldest friend stating they'd just gotten engaged also. Now along with other old school friend who got engaged a few weeks back, that leaves.... erm, so few close friends now without someone to hold on to...
Which is awfully weird to me, I mean I'm sure that having a partner around would periodically give me something to do... but at the moment I've got two housemates to talk to, friends to visit, and a whole bunch of movies, music, mags and internet to keep me amused, so what's the big deal?
It amazes me that I'm still somewhat jaded by 'love' or the concept of it, and that I still find it hard to feel things... pain, sorrow, happiness etc etc. And when emotions hit me, it's always strange....
My grandmother died a few weeks back and I kept hitting a brick wall. I didn't really know how I felt about it because unfortunately for her, and many others, she didn't really enjoy her time here on Earth... and I would be okay for the entire day, try to joke about it, be sarcastic (that's unfortunately the way i get through most things) and then some time in the evening I'd just start crying. It's over now, I think it finished the day they buried her. I remember having a little bit of a weep on the plane on the way down to Adelaide that day, and desperately needed someone to cuddle up to, but the person next to me was someone I didn't want to crowd...
So anyway, more congratulations are in order... but I just wonder if I'm never going to get to a point where marriage and family are in my equation. I mean, the marriage part I can live without, but a 'partner' (i guess what they call defacto) and family eventually would be lovely.
And for thinking of myself at a time I should be joyus for other people.... well I once again feel selfish, but far out, I can't help it.
I do miss someone at the moment... damnnit, I never wanted to feel like this.
xJ
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