so i was just reading...

....way back at the beginning of this blog. kinda for shits and giggles but because i was thinking, what on earth did i write so much about?! and now i see.

festivals. art. strange websites. playlists from my radio show. recipes. in-jokes. rants. the occasional vox-pop. and now, travel.

and i guess really, when i think about it, and after discussing it with various people over the years, you don't really change much as you get older.

mostly your ideals are the same. you gain more knowledge and maybe your theories or thoughts may twist, but all in all you are the same.

you are that same little nervous person when it comes to conveying feelings, steer towards certain music when your mood changes, offer an opinion or advice when you feel someone can use it, sometimes hold on to things for too long and let your brain steep on them, and basically never EVER raise your voice to anyone.

At least thats me.

I think in the last 5 years I have SERIOUSLY yelled at two people that I can think of. And that doesn't include someone who you may think obvious.

(calling Cint a shtcnt in Coles doesn't count)

One was a dude at a party for a friend in Brisbane who was leaving their job and invited us along. He was just an all round self-important douche. And he deserved a good 'look mate, you are a rude, arrogant, fuckwit' which is exactly what he got from me. My heart beat a hundred miles a minute at that moment, but damn, I'd probably say it to that particular dude again!

The other one was someone who recently got in my face whilst working at the Hostel. No biggie. Tiredness and retarded behaviour on their part.

I go through big phases of being creative and of being determined. I do lose faith in myself and my abilities sometimes. When deep down I know that I am quite capable of many things that I may never accomplish because of lingering doubt.

And when nothing makes sense there are the same handful of people I go to immediately. I have been very lucky with the close girlfriends I have that they are so open and we can always bounce things off of each other in times of doubt and trouble.

The friend base stretches far and wide, these days over many countries, and I am blessed in the way that even though years may go by, we can always reconnect with ease. Like no time has passed.

Sometimes I wonder where my energy goes. I know this is partially health based, but also I guess it's part of getting older. Certain days you'd think I was full of beans, literally. Other days you could be mistaken for thinking that perhaps I will shortly explode. Or implode I guess.

I say it's part of getting older because when you're young, in high school for example, your ideas of the world I guess are more limited. Once you're completely responsible for yourself, and out in the job market, your own property, all that kind of thing, you are exposed to more ideas and more people. Therefore you see the good and the bad. I tend to ignore the bad, at least the things they have to say to me personally.

Luckily I am mostly surrounded with sweetness and light.

Thank you universe.

xx