meander, keep moving, that's what it's all about isn't it?! not the hokey pokey, that just CAN'T be what it's all about...

Thursday, December 09, 2010

ok so... it's almost time...

Yes. It's almost time to finalise my 2011 list and it's almost time to close this little travel chapter.

I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not really sure what I wanted to achieve here in Canadaland.

Okay so I kind of feel like I started out strong but then took a small step backwards again. This country really is huge and I feel like I haven't seen quite enough of it yet. So I will certainly be back, and if all goes according to plan I predict early May 2011.

Volunteering for the festivals when I got here was just amazing, met some great people, enjoyed the sunshine (and sometimes the rain), discovered more amazing music, and learned a couple of lessons...

like.... don't get so drunk that you give your cell number out to COMPLETE randoms!
well i guess a lesson learned is a lesson gained!!

Anyways, so if I had have stayed on that artsy path, the smart thing to do would have been to keep pushing to get paid arts based work here. But I didn't. I do kick myself a little for that, because it really has become more of my focus in the last two years.

I'm not saying that being in Banff wasn't fun, but I do think I should have left at the end of October like I had intended. It was great spending time with Leni the crazy cat and meeting the other fun folks up there. I still don't know how people do so much partying all the time, but I guess my idea of partying is slightly different somehow. Work 16 hour days at 3 day festivals, no worries! Too much to drink for me... results in a very long hangover. Well each to their own I suppose.

I have met some people who I feel are really important to me in both Vancouver and Banff, people that have taught me things, made me feel valued, or made me swoon. I could never forget any of them, and I hope to keep them in my life.

So back to Australia I will go shortly for the festival season and I will try, hopefully without fail, to do four months of arts based work and not have to fall back on any sort of lame temp job that I will end up getting stuck in for months and months like has happened in the past.

I do feel like I really need to concentrate on my health whilst I am back at home. Not that I have been feeling particularly bad (as in, don't panic or anything), but there are definitely still (stupid hereditary) things going on that are well within my control that I should be paying closer attention to. I hope with some advice and treatment back in Aus that I can start to do this properly and make some real life changes. Because it often does stress me out and sometimes makes me grumpy. And it's no way to be. By no means is it as bad as post-fally-downy-stairsy years, but sometimes it becomes uncomfortable.

Ultimately, well I'm still searching for the happiness within. I think we all are. And sometimes I feel like a stupid sad sack because I don't know what the ultimate happiness is or even should be. I mean who knows. I certainly shouldn't complain about circumstance because I put myself in the position I am in and only I can change it. We should all be wiser to remember that sometimes.

I guess I will know when I find it.


No comments: