let's face it...

i'd rather be dancing around the living room than doing any of these freakn financial subjects i have to do for sKool.

BOO-URNS.

I said boo-urns.

xJ

time-wasting is a bitch

okay, first things first... never EVER play that stupid candy game you'll get stuck in it for at least an hour.

i think this overwhelming feeling happened to me around my last birthday too; questioning everything. because let's face it, celebrating new year is something fun to do with your friends, but your smurfday is your *personal* year.

i make lists every january. they're not so much resolutions, but just things i want to get done throughout the year. i think this is probably about the fifth year in a row i've done it. i'd have to go back and check my old diaries (or planners for you North American types).

so i've noticed each year i'm going pretty well, until around this time of year when i realise how little of the year is actually left, and i suppose i'm used to working calendar-year in my mind. now i think i'll work it from smurfday to smurfday. seems more appropriate.

which is why, yesterday, i started a 5 year plan piece of paper. it's stuck on my wardrobe. so far it's just a bunch of words that tick around in my mind often, things i would like to work on or words that will remind me to elaborate on what i actually am manifesting a little later.  this plan will include personal missions as well of course. however writing what you want for a 5 year period and what you want for a 1 year period... boy is it so much harder.

the word 'settle' barely even slips into my mind. i got way too used to living out of a pack, and being in one place for too long really does my head in.

in some weird kind of side note that popped into my head;  i've always thought i'd end up volunteering somewhere less fortunate and do something great for people. it hasn't happened yet. maybe it just isn't time.

that idea of having somewhere of your own to come back to is always a joyful thought. but where?! WHERE in the world should that place be? well i can tell you the places and the neighbourhoods i feel most comfortable of course, and i'm sure you all know the answer to this anyways. so i won't bother to elaborate. and could i ever afford it. never.

i'm not even on the road that much overall i suppose, but i feel unsettled in the home town because i really haven't truly engaged with it again. and i feel like i should have by now having truly been back here almost two years. TWO?? i possibly miss the awesomesauce of the late 90's in this city. yes, i know i was a hell of a lot younger, but it's not solely that. i felt like there was this big wave of completely awesome music and creativity here during that time. so many many good times. where did it go? it's got to be around here somewhere.

i've always defended the home town from people who said it's boring. and now... well, i don't feel it's necessarily boring but i feel like i have to search for what i want to find a lot harder. disconnected.

talk about a slump. ho-ly. fucking brain slump you mean.
caution to the wind? anyone?! please!

i'd hate to play the blame game but i will on this occasion. money. money you shithead. why do you make things so much harder for us all. (yay capitalism!) you can't eat money, you can't shelter in money (easily) and you can't wear money. you think the people in this world who are really REALLY without it, care about it? i'm pretty sure they care about food and shelter more.

i'm just saying.

from the all-over-the-place mind of an almost-35 year old. *twitch, twitch*
xJ

how do you know when you're winning at life?

i posed myself this question just now, and i'm pretty sure i've already worked it out.

you are winning at life when you can bloody laugh at yourself.

like... really laugh, call yourself a goose, and wish there was another one of you so you could sufficiently slap yourself in the face for being said goose.

oh gawd, i started a sentence with 'like' and i just lucked out on being a Gen Y (thank heck).  no offense to the non-self-centered awesome folk in that generation that i have the pleasure of knowing; that blog that went around recently explaining Gen Y really hit the nail on the head actually; in a parody generalizing kind of way. so i suppose the thing that needs to be added to that well put together piece of stick figure hilarity is that 'if you didn't find the silly in this article you are not winning at life (you fool)'.

i believe you are also winning at life when you are not too proud or too stubborn to ask for help when you need it.

you are winning at life when you are not afraid to speak your mind.

and mostly you are winning at life when you take those small opportunities, brief encounters, and shared moments in time, putting them in a corner of your mind for taking out later and providing a little grin for yourself when you really need it most.

here endeth the ranteth.
xJ

though may i present to you this moment in time where i grinned from ear to ear...

pure art and love

somebody recently proclaimed to me, "pure art and love from here forth..." - which may or may not make your mind tick the way it did mine. art and love; not bad things to have in your heart, not bad things at all.

today has a rant, and it is presented to you as the following:

i have this tiny tiny bedroom in the place that i live, and i'm grateful to have anything at all when so many don't of course.  large wardrobe though, poses problems when most of it is simply stacked with luggage and bags, plus boxes of stuff left unpacked because the place i live is shared and there's no need for most of it to be out of it's boxes at this moment in time.

when I had my own space entirely, let's call that last place that was *really* my own Wilton Street (ahh Wilton Street) there was a place for everything. never terribly much clutter. spread out; all used regularly. cleaned really well once a week on 'bin night'. and yet most things contained in that house were completely easily flittered away when i left that town, given away to the students living across the road, put on the street for the taking or sold cheaply to generous friends.

for those of you that never got the opportunity to visit; each wall in that house was continuously evolving, so much so that people would stop and try to find the thing that was added since their last visit. large habit of mine, keeping strange bits of memorabilia, sometimes in tins. i love tins.

most of the more notable pieces i have, wooden sculptures, flags, and the like, are from the various roads travelled. and sometimes things would be put on the wall together without me noticing. i recall a day where i noticed every photograph of a person i had in a particular part of one of the corners of the house - well they were all staring the same direction. it was completely unintentional, however probably subconscious i suppose.

you will notice there are no tins in view in either of these old Wilton-photos, but mr potato head burning an american dollar bill makes up for that.

i digress.  my point is that many creative juices have been flowing in the old mind of late - in fact for the last few years - and yet putting said ideas into fruition seems always an issue.  i can't write about said things here in the blogosphere of course, for fear someone will beat me to it. but i suppose i've decided if i am stuck here in this olde city where i grew up, then if i can't contribute something creative and interactive for the people that constantly flit around the world like me, then i have failed (myself, mostly).

is this just an reaction to turning 35... well yes that eventuality is coming up rather more quickly than i'd like. mostly the reaction is: 'how the hell did that happen?!' to tell you the truth.

where DO the years go?! are they saved up for later? i saw a good ole meme the other day that said 'what if that light people report seeing near death is just you being pushed out of another vagina?' - which made me giggle. because the reincarnation part of some trains of thought has always fascinated me.

the point, the point, the point... yes yes julie faye make a god damned point! there is no point i suppose. sometime in the future i will have a weblog with a point. it will be ABOUT memorabilia and i'd love some other contributors from other parts of the globe. actually i have about 3 ideas for idea-sharing type websites.

okay i thought of one point. two, actually. OPTIMISM and HOPE. well, yes, okay.... some of the rants you may have read here in the past may seem a little grumpy; let's face it, we now have possibly the worst ignorant idiotic prime minister in australian history (i'd put him up there with dubbya, truly); but recently i asked one of my besties: 'fuck, what is it that make people think i'm eternally optimistic?' - her answer was because you are a believer that we can actually do something about all this fuckery (i of course added the last few words, but i'm a big fan of the word 'fuckery' - though she truly is cool enough to say such things in real life - ha!)

this message brought to you with little capitalisation on purpose.

xJ