The Dark Knight Rises

Well.... I was going to write a post about travel and festivals today and absolute essentials that you have to take, partly for shits and giggles but partly because it's informative and will definitely change for me over time...

Instead, today, I went to the movies. I went and saw the movie now made so controversial by yet another senseless shooting in America and whilst this crossed my mind several times whilst watching, I felt just very lucky to live in a country where we have little worry of ever being a part of an event such as that.

And the movie was good.... great even. I think the word 'awesome' came out of my mouth as soon as it ended. I feel bad for the film makers, cast and crew that their hard work now seems tainted.

Then I come home after a brief coffee and one of my oldest radio pals come over and I tell him "you know there is a sign outside that cinema that tells people guns' aren't allowed" - over which we both baffle for a while, make some comments on such a thing and talk about the horrible event that occurred in Colorado.

When he leaves I turn back on my computer and look at email. There's a reply to my earlier comment on a video I watched earlier in the day, where one of my favourite youtube channels posted a video of a BBC interviewer talking to an apparently educated reputable person arguing against gun control yet again.

My original comment went something like this: Every time there is a big over the top and thoughtless shooting in the US there is this debate, and every time you all fail to see the importance of gun control... so... carry on then. Of course there are other things that would also need addressing in this arena such as mental health, but your issue is much larger than this. Give them up America, put down your weapons. (The fact that you even had to have a sign at a CINEMA stating the obvious is reason enough) - so now i've deleted this comment anyways because the responses were beyond belief to me.

And the response from one guy...You are missing the point. There is a lot more to this than the media (mainstream) is willing to let us in on. This week the United Nations small arms gun treaty ban is being voted on. Obama will sign it into law guaranteed. This incident smells of a false flag set up. How coincidental is this incident & the gun ban? Please remember, there are NO coincidences in government. If people were allowed to conceal carry in that theater that shooter wouldn't be alive today. Please educate yourself.

Well you know the guy has a point, I didn't know that and he just educated me. I don't agree it had bloody anything to do with the incident but either way. I told him we could agree to disagree as follows.... (oh look actually that comment has been deleted - something about the BBC being more reputable than US television stations and that of course the media is biased). Oh wait, here it is.... We can agree to disagree on this Steve. I understand and follow a lot of what your (and other) Government(s) have to say. Mainstream media definitely has a part to play in incorrect biased newscasting and assisting Government in pushing through their own agendas. My point is, why do you feel it necessary to have a gun in the first place? "right to bear arms"..? The BBC seem a lot more credible than most US news channels so it's interesting that some here are bagging them and calling them names.

Now.... to the comment that blew my mind...

the fact that there was a sign at the entrance informing the criminal that it was a gun free zone is the problem and made them an easy target. If the shooter thought the theater was packed with well armed citizens do you really think necrotic gave gone in there? Did you it hear the stats re: shootings in "gun free" zones? Do facts mean anything?

My response: Again... if you had no guns, there would be no needs for those "zones" in the first place. The rest of the western world that have gun control look at these incidents and think why do you let it continue?! I went to this film today and I had no fear walking down my street, walking into a cinema and watching a film with strangers. Fear. The most important word in this debate. Why is it normal to be afraid of your own countrymen?!

Okay so back to the persons original comment two paragraphs above.... and let me get this straight. The PROBLEM is that there was a sign saying NO GUNS allowed in this venue, making INNOCENT MOVIEGOERS an EASY TARGET. The PROBLEM is that other people TOOK THE ADVICE OF THE SIGN and therefore could not stop the heavily armed man in his act.

Hmmmm.... so the problem couldn't possibly be that you can walk into a Kmart and buy a gun and bullets. The problem couldn't possibly be that there is a problem with the mental health system. The problem couldn't possibly be that their media is screwed up. The problem couldn't possibly be that their whole society seems to be based on fear and they think a few words in their constitution have more weight than peoples lives being taken for no reason.

I feel freaking sorry for those families who now have to bury loved ones because of this or any of the many countless, continual, thoughtless shootings that have happened in the US in recent years.  I'm sure they are thinking now "oh yeah, it's okay, he had the right to bear arms". (add sarcasm; stir)

I can guarantee you that their only question is WHY? Perhaps; why did he have access to these weapons? What in his mind made him feel the need to do that to a random bunch of strangers? And sure there may be anger, calls for retribution and the like, but why the HELL would anyone think that MORE freedom in the carrying of guns solves this problem?!

It took one, horrific day on our soil in a similar incident in a public place to start the ball rolling on calling in the return of general civilian handguns / firearms in our country. ONE.

As much as I do love Americans and have American friends and will visit this part of the world in the future, this part of their culture absolutely baffles me.

End Rant.

Sometimes I sell things on ebay...

New round of random memorabilia etc etc here...

http://myworld.ebay.com.au/jfus3250

Do help me fund my trip to Canada and pass on some weird and wonderful things to collectors about the place.

If you have any buddies who might be interested in any of the items, please pass on the links.

Lots of love.

xx

lonely and sadly alone...

Well, you know I have to be honest here, on Friday I felt terribly alone, sitting in the lounge devouring red wine, after buying frozen sweet potato fries and baking some fish, then watching some dodgy movie on teevee that was neither fantastic nor offensive to me. You know those movies.

It could well be that 'festival remorse' is real. I mean let's face it, several times a year (well, okay, a lot of the year) I spend my time with my festival families. Then I have to leave them. All of a sudden it's "goodbye, see you next year" - as we're all transient bastards, let's not lie about it.

Spending a few weeks in Sydney was both overwhelming and lovely at the same time. Met a wonderful new crew of peoples, but also felt particularly out of place in that city. Everyone seems too well dressed, or perhaps it was just that I saw a lot of corporate people and that generally makes me shudder. There's a difference between a nice suit and a dude standing on a corner with one of those blue tooth headsets (i thought no-one used them anymore, turns out I was wrong) looking like he's talking to himself, but it being about something terribly important like the next big thing, or budgeting or some crap.

I did, however, enjoy the fact that a bunch of people were coming together to watch footage and ideas from across the globe in many languages. It really has reignited my fascination for film (like it was ever  really gone? i guess other things took precedence in recent years) and think fondly of those friends within that industry thinking 'bravo'.

And GO TEAM BOX OFFICE.

This festival remorse will become all the worse I am sure when I return to Canada soon to help out on Shambhala and have to head back to the Land Of Oz so quickly. I had such an amazing time there last year, even if I did sound like Darth Vadar for a few days and get hooked up to some oxygen therapy. And I had camping neighbours that had yip-yip costumes.

So... Festival Number 36 will you please stand up...

That continual feeling that I belong in that country instead of my own will probably never pass. I've got this strange feeling I will always regret leaving when I did, and always regret not checking out what the requirements would have been for me to stay.  I didn't want to work a lot when I was there, I made that choice, I developed other skills and kept everything flexible to fit in with my disappearing act type lifestyle.

We are so lucky here, and I get jack of people that complain and scare monger, do things for their own gain. Like SUCK IT UP all of you, we have low unemployment, medical care for all, a Government that is actually moving towards decreasing our environmental impact... I mean of course not all of these things are perfect, we are still fighting for many important things to be heard / passed / understood. But to whine and moan about pricing and such, think less. It's always more.

Do you really NEED 3 televisions, 2 cars, shoe hire, hot dog, fries and a coke?! To run your air conditioner or heater 24 / 7, then cry about electric bills?! Put on a jumper!

Our shitty media largely to blame for our over-consumption of just about everything. You need the latest gadget man, seriously, you do... *scoff*.

Look outside it, and get involved in what is local to you.

{ Actually can I ad that some of the television advertising I have seen lately REALLY gives me the shits. Clubs Australia trying to convince us that they are part of a solution... banks using high profile celebs to make them sound like a charity... mining companies trying to prove that they work along side environmental projects. Y'all make me sick. }

here ends the ranting...

so... what's been happening then...??

well it's been an interesting couple of months that is for sure.

firstly, it's so much easier to make money here. Making headway on debt and had a new contract with the Garden of Unearthly Delights, met some wonderful people and worked hard. Still, the reigning champion of individual sales wants her trophy ;)

I started living in a place with some nice people, that was until one of them turned out to be a knob-jockey with no control over emotions. Look, if you ask me a question, I'm going to answer it. Simple. And if you can't take what the answer might be, then don't ask the question. That's the brunt of it without going in to any more detail.

I've lived in enough share houses to know that having someone scream at you for no apparent reason is just NOT cricket.

The peeps at work and the others I lived with were a great support to me during this time, and I thank you all.

In other news, stupid body has been flaring up again. It was almost as if it rejected a job where I had to sit down sometimes, then again I can't say I've been as active as I was being overseas so therefore body went RAAR. Had some more scans on my spine and hips and happy to say that actually it seems that what was a 'broad based disc herniation' is now less severe. It's still putting some pressure on nerves but not nearly as bad. So it seems it is primarilly muscular and I hope with some help from therapists, that body will be less munty in no time.

Moving all my crap outta my house didn't help I suppose, but there you go.

So it's the first time in my life I've had stuff in a storage unit, and that feels kind of okay, but it's so transitional - though I suppose I am used to that by now.

The most frustrating thing is knowing I can't currently get back to Canada in any other way except as a 'visitor'. Lame. Totally LAME. There was rumour that they would be upping the limit on ages for work permits, but so far it hasn't happened. Very sad indeed.

I regret coming back early nearly every single day. I guess because I know my friends in Australia will always be here, and will never reject my insane decisions to disappear to foreign lands... and it's the same for those in North America. But I feel way more connected to Canada than I do to Australia right now.

Further, trying to decide on which course of study to take and all is frustrating me. I have many doubts about my ability to stay focussed because I have trouble deciding on which things to focus on in the first place.

Some things never change though: I really like crossword books. Feels like it keeps my brain active.

Looking forward to seeing all my Melbourne friends very soon, off there Tuesday for another Melbourne International Comedy Festival version of SHENANIGANS and a new challenge working up at the Trades Hall.

Remembering fondly though those we have lost in the past year as I return there... Ash and Dori, you are sorely missed and nothing will ever be the same. Both taken from us too soon. We love you.

xJ

I find it interesting...

that my beloved *scoff* one-of-four-big-banks threatened all sorts of bollocks when they decided to cancel my line of credit over a measly few hundred bux whilst I was overseas... and yet I have just had a credit report back and there are no problems with it.

to which i say... you're a bunch of dirty liars AND maybe I'll just stop paying you, a-holes.

xj

Our Fundraising Efforts...

Going quite swimmingly really!

So there is a team of six ladies currently on the home stretch for FebFast... raising funds for drug and alcohol programs for Australias youth including things like Street University.

You can find our team and make a donation HERE: http://www.febfastfundraising.com.au/hairy_bins

And thank you all in advance for your kind words and donations. Let's crack that $1000 mark! It's for a good cause.

xxJ

Dear...

one of the Big Four Banks...

You're about to lose me as a customer. You seem upset, almost shocked about this?! But why?

I've been your customer for nearly 8 years. I've had to call you a lot to sort out stuff ups, been charged many fees, even had my correspondence denied even though lodged through my OWN account in SECURE MAIL that YOU provide for your customers to talk to you. When overseas in slightly dire financial situations, you didn't even accept my correspondence; you wanted to talk to me on the phone. What part of 'I have no money' did you not understand?! Offering to provide back up documents to that effect?! Customer service my backside.

Now you go and charge me nearly 60bux for an annual fee on a credit card that no longer exists.

Well, you can be thankful you did that. Because I'll be sayin' bye bye birdie quite soon.

End Rant.
xJ

judgement day...

sounds like a bad Hollywood film... oh wait, that was independence day.

Sometimes I get this strange feeling that it's terribly hard for people to understand why I'm earning a living in the way which I have chosen. That includes family, though they do support it, sometimes it's pretty evident that I'm the odd one out.

Well to me, it's pretty simple. 13 years in what I always refer to as "corporate business" did my head in.

Now this isn't to say that I didn't have jobs that I didn't enjoy, the majority of them I did even if you do run into the occasional wanker (happens in any workplace, unavoidable); however I have to explain something. Being in roles that are more 'operational' than anything else, you know the day to day operations of a business whether it be accounting or student enrollments or publishing sales or keeping your sales reps on their toes, buying merchandise, buying stationery, organising a couriering system, booking travel, keeping track of bills (I digress... you name it, I've probably done it)... well this basically leaves you open to being trodden on.

For those that are further up in the hierarchy will barely consult you when it comes to cost cutting or changes in procedures, national frameworks and things that effect YOUR every day and not theirs. I had great passion for what I was doing - always. To get things done efficiently; to not be wasteful; to find the cheapest way to do something, the best deal; to be the 'general bringer of joy' in any tough situation.

But when you get shit on from above, like a giant crow crapping on your favourite jacket then squawking and flying off and letting you deal with the clean up, well the reality is I got jack of it.

I got sick of consistently having to clean up other peoples messes; sick of walking into jobs where they had assumed the person would never leave and so there were never any procedures or notes on anything you were responsible for; watching people get made redundant for no reason other than upper management screw ups or desperate scrambles to cost cut (oh yeah, that is screw ups); providing data you thought would assist, but in the end they didn't give a crap anyways. It was never my immediate Management I had trouble with.... it was always some imaginary douchebag up there on his or her little fluffy cloud pulling the strings.

Too. Freakn. Frustrating.

At times you know it's a great challenge, but when you are constantly banging your head against a wall - well, something eventually has to give. Usually your days become longer, the frown in your forehead more pronounced, and the liquor sometimes flows a little more ;)

There has been the odd occasion that I really have run into some nasty sorts in offices too. Like absolute insane asylum candidates. Alcoholics who decide it's a good idea to move in together after getting drunk and shagging one Friday after work, and then bringing every single argument into the office from then on in. Ex-secret service (not kidding) agents whose faces go bright red and start to peel when they get stressed. And customers who think it's okay to call and start their conversation with you by screaming down the phone (and I think I went through about 5 receptionists that year). Oh wait, that was all in the same job. Yes indeed, that was so much FUN!

Add sarcasm, stir.

There's just something about that routine too. Having the same hours every day makes me terribly complacent. I guess the 9-5 just doesn't really gel too well with me unless the content is something that I really really care about. It took me a number of years to work that out.

So I changed things. Started with one paid arts gig here and there, then two... then kerblammo quit all corporate realm and move to Canada. And what do I end up with?! Two jobs in things I like... a Hostel (meeting travelers from all over, never a bad thing - sometimes frustrating, overall enjoyable) and an old Theatre (be still my beating heart...).

I must admit on my first journey there, because of the cashed up situation I was in, I had the luxury of simply volunteering for a number of months - meeting a bunch of like minded people and exploring the new scene and new environment. However it did lead to three paid festival gigs in the following year and I thought "I Have Done It" - I'd even been headhunted once - on community / arts / music festivals in a foreign country. Like holy CRAP! Why did it never occur to me earlier in my life that it was possible to make a living off of this?!

Well who knows. Maybe it wasn't quite time. Maybe I needed to learn the lesson. Maybe I had that revelation of earning loads of cash often still equates to having eff all to show for it (except my intermittent jaunts overseas of course).

The abilities I have in an administrative sense absolutely help me every day, and keep me going on the in-between times (you know, winter...!) - temping's not so bad because there's generally an end in sight... and you know, I've got pretty mad admin skills if I do say so myself. Sort shit out I do...

but now I'm gosh darned determined to just bounce from Fest to Fest, no matter what the topic, check it all out.

All scenes, all mediums, in all parts of this beautiful world.

Now to finally work out the balance - my real purpose in life in 2012 I guess.

Find it, work it, keep it.

Balance, Repetition, Composition...

Sod it. I like the downtime between contracts; earning less money but getting more satisfaction (and actually, somehow, having more money at the end of it). Life's funny. Hardy Har. And that.

End thought.

xx

unpacking... duex...

well yes, although all of my stuff with the exception of a couple of boxes fit in my old car and was driven all the way from Bristanbul to RADelaide several years ago... well gee there still seems to be quite a bit of it.

Though I am the Tetris mistress from HELL.

Rant:

I've wanted a filing cabinet for years... maybe I felt like I could get more organised. And immediately a friend came to the rescue on that front after I mentioned it. "Hey, we've got one in the shed - it's been sitting there a couple years. We don't use it."

My friends, you ROCK my world! You ALWAYS come to the party somehow. The party, being mostly, doing awesome stuff for me for which I am eternally grateful.

So... said filing cabinet now lovingly filled with hanging files, named and all, with all of the festival related garb I've been doing over the years. This may seem like a small victory to many, but to me it's like FINALLY there is some HOPE that I can find things and not just put them in rad boxes and tins that I manage to find along the way.

New room, however, still slightly fuckified until I can get my old set of drawers out here. Been raining a bit so an open trailer and furniture ain't such a good combination.

Anyhoo... so how do I really FEEL about all of this? That's kind of undetermined. I like my new place to live and the people that are here. I'm excited about my new role learning about all things box office here.

But overall... kinda sad. Lost. Pining for Vancouver.

Todays word: Transition.

I was well aware of it, knew it would rear it's ugly head AND I know it sucks, it's just taking a little longer this time because the truth is, I don't know when I can get back there - and that is what makes it sad.

I admit to being mostly in hiding up until now. Slowly but surely catching up with the kids here in RADelaide which I'm enjoying. I just can't unfortunately promise to be always looking myself for the time being as things tick on and on in my head.

That is, of course, until next Festival kick off (very VERY soon) which will snap me right out of any procrastination and bring all my fun clothes and flair out of hiding.

Scarves and buttons and hats, oh MY!

xx

unpacking...

finding little bits of paper with notes written on them is always interesting...

here's an example:

Soul Coughing - El Oso "Blame"

www.naturalevent.com.au

"Wake in Fright" 1971

"Zombieland"

>myface>black fridays

volunteers - ocean care

paulo.... - letterman

Now some seem obvious, one seems incomplete. Oh well. best go hunting and see why I wrote these random things down!

hehe.

xx

Ah Hell...

Haven't finished my 2012 list yet. Well I've got a few hours left of January 31 to go so why not sort this out then...

RASP RASP

1. Clear Debt

2. Get Paid on at Least 10 Festivals (last year I aimed for 5 and did 8)

3. Volunteer

4. Practice Spanish

5. Travel to: New Zealand, Bali, Northern Territory or Western Australia

6. Read more books

7. Business Planning

8. Decide on Study

9. Practice Mexican cooking

10. Start and keep up with new weblog

11. Find a way to properly preserve all festival and music memorabilia...

12. TBC

x

FebFast

So my friend Frehd started a team. I joined said team.

Here is link to team: http://www.febfastfundraising.com.au/hairy_bins

Please head over and sponsor us on our mission to live healthily and support some great public programs across Australia.

We won't be boozing for all of February. I'll be attempting to stop poisoning my lungs as well. Ugh.

xx

i am a neglectful sod...

yes indeed i am. So much has happened since I last wrote in this thing.

Left Canada, didn't want to. Waah. Back in home town RADelaide, moving into a new enormous sharehouse this weekend which is exciting.

Worked Falls already, grand. new role. all good things.

Got a new job with the Adelaide Fringe. Way excited.

Been doing temping in between.

Centrelink sucks. But have been somewhat helpful.

My cholesterol went way down on my travels away. I still need to see the dentist.

I miss hockey and my Canadian family. I think I belong there. But can't do much about it now.

SAD. BUT HAPPY. PROGRESSIVE. STUFF. THINGS.

xJ

home again, home again, jiggidy jig...

well, not quite yet but the wheels (or probably more appropriately, the jet engines) are in motion...

how do i feel? i feel good. apart from the incessant smoking which i can't seem to put down again. damn you nicotine, damn you to hell (if there is such a place).

sad to leave Canada (again) of course, however my age is a factor and with my sister getting married December 10 I do feel an obligation as I only have one sibling.

and, as always, a bunch of summer festivals call me, it's like a whisper in the wind. I want to set up 'shop' somewhere in RADelaide and have the luxury of popping back in and out when I need to. I believe in my heart of hearts it will work. Hey if I can survive in Vancouver on less than $200 a week I can do anything, truly!

I have my sights set on a few festivals I haven't worked before. I hope that it will all come through for me.

Leaving some people behind will be hard, but you know with the wonder of the interweb and other technologies, we're really never disconnected.

Besides, the universe has a hand in that connection thing, for realsies.

So I will enjoy the next three months in Canada to the best of my ability. Currently working away gathering volunteers for Hapa-Palooza which is in a few weeks. I believe in it, I think it will be great.

xx

"i want to make you happy"

just listening to the Kooks for something different. I believe they're returning to Falls this year. I remember them a few years back and they were wonderful.

super cute, super cool.

I had something to write, I know I did. It's probably about the Shambhala experience and the returning to Van experience.

But for now... let's leave it.

xx

Out in the forest...

so, arriving at a festival site after a 12 hour bus ride in which you don't get much sleep is never fun. However, it's a beautiful spot, I have to say. I'm currently in Salmo, British Columbia. Currently, it's quiet, but I'm sure by Thursday this will dramatically change.

I wonder exactly what I'm doing though. We're starting to get organised but there is a lot to do in the next few days. I'm waiting on a job manual to go through and to ask any questions.

I guess I haven't ever been at a fest site this early. It's interesting. Staff starting to trickle in and still a lot to be set up and moved. It will be interesting to watch it be shaped, like watching the Hope Street Warehouse get ready for a party.

Unfortunately right now, I do feel like a nap, however with tent in full sun; it's not likely. This won't be a problem ordinarily because I'll be working days and won't get back to said tent til quite late.

I absolutely need a shower, yes already.

xJ

possibly the biggest personal breakthrough yet...

a PAID festival job in a foreign country!

whilst that may not seem terribly exciting to any of you, to me... this is what i've been working towards. Granted, the people in this festival know of me simply because of someone I know... but that's how the cookie crumbles really.

It seems my now vast list of experiences sprawled throughout my CV is really getting out there, people can see what mixed capabilities I have and therefore, give me a shot.

And I don't intend to let them down. I know this role I will be taking on will be pretty huge for me. I may have brain overload in the first 24 of getting out there to the site, but as long as I have Redoxon (berocca for Canadians), earplugs, and candy, I'm pretty sure I'll be generally okay!

The other bonus with this, is that I will make decent money, which will help me get to Niagara Falls and the Grand Canyon this year. Two things on my list, kind of, well I decided them kinda recently, but you know, why not eh?! They're in this hemisphere, and relatively close...

As much as I do despise this capitalist society in which we live, unfortunately we are all mostly reliant on it. It really is balls if you ask me. Costs of travel really are going through the roof, and whilst I understand why, I don't understand why at the same time.

Economics. Who can explain it to me in laymans terms?

And so, I guess the reality is hey, though I am almost always in some kind of doubt about myself and my situation, things really are quite fine. I am doing what I wanted to, I just get frustrated. sometimes.

People have often asked why I chose Canada and I don't really know. I didn't like the idea of the UK. Everyone I know that has ever worked and lived there has come back like a skeleton really. It's kind of way too 'grey' for me too. I'd love to visit there for sure, but living and working there I don't think I could do (maybe for a short time... Edinburgh Fest comes to mind!). Unfortunately with the age I am now, that ship has sailed. It doesn't really bother me too much.

I may, also, consider heading to hang with my cuzzy bros in KiwiLand at some point in the future too. Why not?! I mean, really, why not?!

It's all an experience, is my point.

Much love to you and yours, and to you, dear Universe.

xx <3

Respect.

well... having a few cigs these last few weeks...

really was a stupid idea wasn't it?

Now I have to go through withdrawals AGAIN and well let's face it, withdrawals are never fun. One of those times, once again, that I wish I had never ever had a cigarette in the first place. What is it that makes it so appealing?! It's NOT appealing. Toxic BULLSHIT is what it is. I call BULLSHIT on cigarettes.

I guess that's kinda like calling SHENANIGANS on someone, but more appropriate when someone cheats at trivia or something... calling BULLSHIT that is.

Zen and I used to call shenanigans on each other often. I just remembered that. It was funny.

Ahh Zen... fond memories.... would have been made fonder if he stopped sucking on liquid acid and stood up to his mother. For both of us to hide away from the world and not seem to need the company of anyone else (except the dog), that's a pretty special thing I suppose. It wasn't intentional, it was just how it was.

I digress, that was several years ago now and should be left to the ether.

I like things to be natural, have a natural path, seem easy as if they flow with the universe and are not forced. That's why I take a step back and observe so often I guess. It's also why I get frustrated with certain situations, when somethings outta my hands but you don't want to interfere with it's path... yeh. THAT!!

I fully acknowledge how lucky I am that I know generous people who keep an eye out for me.

I like a lot of things. No, really... what DO I like??

>Gas stoves to cook on

>Eyeshadow

>16,000 people jumping up and down in Marion Bay every New Years Eve

>GetUp.Org for bringing important issues together and rallying the 'troops' back home

>Keeping a paper diary / daily planner i guess

>Black and White Photos

>When someone else straightens my hair for me

>Relish, of many varieties

>Cold showers during a hot summer

>Sukin and Natio natural products, made in Aus

>Passing on things that you don't need any more to someone who might need it

>My besties that are scattered throughout this world

>A book that will truly engage me

>when people get on their high horse...

When people get on their high horse... mostly because it amuses me so much. As soon as ONE article is published in a mainstream paper everyone freaks out. oh look shit this is going to cost me X amount of dollars more, what will i dooooo.... well yeh, you know, it's simple. Things in Australia are expensive. Waste not want not, though. I mean for real. When I moved away from Adelaide, I gave mostly everything away. I did the same when I left Brisbane, a few kind people donated funds towards a few things, but mostly, it went to the student neighbours who lived in the share house across the street.

Turn some appliances off, you might save a bit. Stop being so goddamned wasteful. Hey look, we avoided collapse, be thankful we're not the US.

I know things are tough down there, but you guys earn much better wages than in this hemisphere, particularly in this city where the costs seem quite relative to me. (to Aus that is)

To give an example, last fortnight I worked 63.5 hours for a total of $525 and some change. There's something completely wrong with that. Minus fortnightly rent, some bus tickets, some phone credit, some groceries, a pack or two of fags, BAM it's gone. Minimum wage out here is balls, the cost of living is about the same as Down Under. *SHRUG* what do you do?! Get on with it, occasionally get on it with yer mates and talk shit about the state of the universe, and live to see another day.

now i'll just get off my high horse and go enjoy the sunshine that just magically appeared.

xx

ok brain...

so unfortunately I am getting a slight case of the dreaded lurgy and therefore feeling rather average... it's only ever so slight though so hoping it doesn't linger for long.

point one, brain: smoking because your friend died is stupid. it will kill you.

point two, brain: save save save... save money. Yes i know i can do this one, providing I can earn a little more of it. (though my thoughts on this part of humanity are well known, me no likee money)

Well you know the universe always provides. I have been having a grand time over here in Canadaland recently. I do acknowledge that there are some behaviours that are slightly stupid on my behalf. But certainly am curbing my enthusiasm for them ever so slightly.

Lost in your little realm of stupidness.

I enjoy the company of good people, the financial thing does stress me a little. No wonder there are such social struggles here in BC. A guy asked for a couple quarters last night and then in his frustration said 'why will no-one give me it' and I had to answer 'because i'm on the poverty line too mate'... i mean i know my situation, looking at this particular guy, is way better. But it's the absolute truth. Slowly I am making headway. I monitor everything I spend and barely get any play money. Finding $50 on the street the other day meant I could buy pants for my theatre job and drink a few beers with a good friend. That was that. $50 kerblammo, bye bye, there you go.

But yes and of course as I suspected he was asking for change for the bus to get to MAIN STREET and HASTINGS. I could rant about what I thought immediately, firstly it would make me look like an arse, and secondly, who am I to judge?! These poor bastards in that part of downtown Vancouver do have it rough. They all have a story. And I would like to try and support the facilities in that area at least a little bit through the Hostel with our penny rolling initiatives and such.

The other week we rolled $133.50!!!! for the Pot Luck Cafe in the Downtown Eastside. I need to take it all to the bank and get the donation in something other than pennies, and started to make a nice poster for them with photos of the travelers who helped last night to give to them. I'm pretty happy with it and will put it up on here when it's finalised. (for those who haven't been here, rather than bag coins up like you do in Aus, you have to roll them into little containers to change them at the bank, it took the kids 2.5 hours to complete!)

So, back to my brain... it often plays tricks on me. Swirls around and around with the same little thoughts until they totally engulf and depress me. I'm getting better at controlling it. I've come up with one reason why it does this so often, therefore that habit has to stop.

Pretty simple really. Sometimes you think these things help, then you realise they hinder.

Should have been much clearer considering the relationships I've had with people over the years...

onwards and upwards...

xx

kathleen hanna and blogging...

today i was proud...

after feeling particularly terrible, negative, drowning not waving financially and feeling the wrath of everyones soul after the Vancouver riot... finally, i feel again part of my community.

I achieved my biggest volunteer feat so far, I guess... well i have to count, right? but managing volunteers for todays Car Free Day in East Vancouver really has made me happy.

I have energy right now, apart from the slight sunburn which doesn't even seem possible because of the overcast day, because I feel like I achieved. I did my first television interview ever and wasn't nervous, i was coherent and precise. And I hope I gave all required and correct information. I spoke about what we were doing and what I personally was doing with the festivals. I think I made some new friends. I was certainly grateful to the people who showed up to help, and I'm pretty sure they all had fun too.

LOVE.

xx

unsettled...

the lovely panda the other day said to me 'well of course you're not settled in the mind if you aren't settled with your location'... which actually made so much sense.

so if someone can actually define what is wrong with me i would love to know...

Car Free Vancouver Day - Commercial Drive

Help us throw a party on the street...

put forward your interest by following this link and filling out your info:

http://www.carfreevancouver.org/locations/commercial-drive/volunteers/

Many Thanks, ME!

i really should not...

give a wickedly hard time to myself so often.

half of me goes oh you stupid girl you can't make a living doing what you're doing and the other half of me goes shut up pusssssyyyyyyyy.... (channeling Sam Simmons)

indeed.

Well you know, currently feeling particularly kind of bored. Just want the right job to appear in front of me. Which is terribly lazy, I know, but unfortunately that's how my body and mind feels right now.

All I have done for days is look for jobs, fluff about on zombie games, checking my bank account going 'oh god' and listen to tunes. But yes I must admit I'm not really going far except to buy coffee or food, which is kind of sad really. I came here to explore, not to mooch around. However I will say that from next month I hope to be back on top and not so stressed about money et al.

xx

Ohhhh Canadaaaaaaa...

this is where I isssss....

the cat is pawing at me to pay attention. she often gets her claws stuck in my clothes which is of course a problem. she also thinks she owns everything, as all cats do. Which is kinda why I don't end up liking them so much. Of course bearable but not my favourite animals. Dogs sure are. Except ones that headbutt me in the face in the park in Melbourne. That's a whole 'nother story.

It's bucketing down in Vancouver and I want to walk to work. It's kind of not fair somehow. Just when I have the motivation. Well the other reason is for being poor. Why not incorporate saving money with exercise. No problems there.

Besides, I need to start carbon offsetting my travel more effectively.

Walking takes an hour, I would be drowned head to toe by then. Sucks.

Oh well, best make some sandwiches to take in and hope it dies down shortly.

xx

in eight days...

or thereabouts, I shall be boarding yet another plane to head off over the great worlds oceans to somewhere I haven't been yet.

Recent experiences again fulfilling me however there was still confusion and hollowness in my being. At least I can say I've dumped smoking, and on a professional note, achieved what I had wanted to in my time back. Health wise not so much, but the knocking on the head of the smoking is the beginning of course. I give myself permission to eat unhealthy shit for at least a little while. That will stop very soon indeed.

Woah, slightly deep, okay so hey it's 1:08am. (At least that first sentence in the last paragraph!) I am contemplating the fact that I have about a week left in my home country before going exploring again, I know I am still pretty broke and therefore have to find work straight away once arriving, which is kind of shite.

More and more so lately I have wished beyond anything that money was not the object that we are all constantly up against.

And also further can't stop thinking about what actual aspect of festivals / performing / the arts I would really want to be in. Whilst never pursuing the 'on stage' part of my teens, somehow it is evident that it is there, wriggling away deep down inside. The fucking wimp pussy part of me thinks that just being the supporter (producer, executive producer or otherwise) of others is a wiser idea. Perhaps the idea of failure is what I dread.

Then again it's the old thing of if you don't try how the hell would you ever know.

Come on brain, stop fucking around and get to the point would you??!

Indeed.

xx

hmmm... perhaps this doesn't even make sense... RANT!

Mission almost accomplished.... well, you know, not bad i say. not bad indeed.

so my original intention was to return to Australia with the idea of making festivals my full time working environment. And who woulda thunk it?! It's actually worked.

No doubt there have been a few stressful moments. Playing catchup financially is not fun, lack of communication on some organisers parts also not fun. Train lines being disrupted for upgrades JUST as I arrive somewhere, floods, etc etc.

In the reality of it all though, I guess those things are minor. My main problem is, I guess, that I decided a while back the corporate world is not for me. However I have also always had a regular pay cheque. 13 years of regular pay cheques in fact, give or take a few months. And therefore when I am not 100% certain when the next one will hit my bank account, get a little stressed.

It's really unfortunate that my stress is about money, considering how non-capitalist my brain feels about our world and the universe.

It's certainly occurred to me the easiest way to fix that stress is to beat the crap outta my credit card and get rid of it. It shall take some time indeed, but it's a big one for me. Definitely high on my priority list. Once it's gone I really can fully relax.

Whilst I recognise that we get paid exceptionally well compared to some other countries here in Australia, I can also acknowledge that we get ridiculously ripped off with most things here also. I guess I've always known that but not taken it so seriously as now.

As an example of a 'local' issue: The big wigs of capitalism can argue all they like for a GST to be put on imported items bought online and all that garb, but the truth is... why can we buy something for $2.99 including postage from Hong Kong when it costs $25 in a shop here. Markup? Taxes? What the hell? So why wouldn't people just import items independently from overseas, via online shopping. Besides, a GST on something like that will only add another 30cents, so it's really not going to do much. They think they are losing out. Well I tell you what, I've never bought anything except a mobile phone from Hardley Normal anyways. Guess I'm less of a consumer than some.

It kind of makes me think though that perhaps, finally, with all of the news local and international and the natural disasters and all, people really are beginning to take stock. Perhaps they're donating their money and their time and even giving away items they discover they don't really need, rather than going in droves to buy new stuff. For some people this has always been normal, for others maybe it's a new revelation. I'd like to think it's making more people socially aware, even though occurrences lately are pretty disastrous on a human and a natural environment scale.

ranty rant rant. that's all for now. xx

Banana Bread Recipe

om nom nom nom...

2/3C Caster Sugar

60G butter, softened

2 eggs

3 Tbsp water

3 ripe bananas, mashed

1 3/4 C plain flour

1 tsp bicarb soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp baking powder

Preheat oven 180C, line loaf pan with baking paper, beat sugar / butter until smooth and creamy.

Beat in eggs / water / bananas til well blended. Mix in flour, bicarb, salt, baking powder til just moistened. Pour into pan.

Bake 1 hour until top firm to touch and golden brown.

Allow to cool on side, 10 minutes, then onto a wire rack.

so far, so good...

it occurs to me that I could probably write quite a whimsical book sometime in the future about all the random stuff that went on at the various festivals i have worked on over the years.

so far since returning to Australia

- Falls Festival, Marion Bay - TASMANIA

- Sunset Sounds, Brisbane - QUEENSLAND

- Big Day Out, Gold Coast - QUEENSLAND
- RADelaide Fringe Festival (Gluttony), Adelaide - SOUTH AUSTRALIA

and next on the Agenda... Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Not bad for a few months work eh?! I'm pleased as punch.

Ow, punching hurts!

and, just because....

xo

packing...

would be easier if i had a scale!

indeed. the only thing with international travelling is what you accumulate I guess.

I never leave Australia with much. But always come back with little treasures and tid bits. This time, kind of unfortunately there was a trip to Mexico involved (ref. rather heavy hand made hammock). Mostly in recent years I have tried to come back with things I can certainly wear a lot or use a lot. The hammock is one of these things :)

xx

nervous...

flip flop stomach kinda right now...

it occurs to me that i will be living out of my backpack for some time to come.

so i'm just looking at the Open Universities Australia website at some possibilities for training leading up to my grand business idea. I'd like to get the business cranking in mid-2012 if possible, and though the training will take some time to complete, I think it would be worthwhile.

and that in itself makes me nervous. i've never completed any University course. i plunged head first into the business world at an early age and everything I know I have learned either at a short course or on the job. I mean I think i'm pretty knowledgeable in office administration, training and other things but actually looking at a Degree kind of scares the bejesus outta me.

I do want to get this travel out of my system (i mean, maybe it will never leave my system, but we'll give it a red hot go, eh?) and on the list for next year other than returning to Canada is FRANCE and VIETNAM. Oh and to annoy Mikey in the US as well at some point.

xx

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion feat. Beck - Flavor

THE BLUES IS NUMBER ONE!!!!!

wheeee!!

xo

so i was just reading...

....way back at the beginning of this blog. kinda for shits and giggles but because i was thinking, what on earth did i write so much about?! and now i see.

festivals. art. strange websites. playlists from my radio show. recipes. in-jokes. rants. the occasional vox-pop. and now, travel.

and i guess really, when i think about it, and after discussing it with various people over the years, you don't really change much as you get older.

mostly your ideals are the same. you gain more knowledge and maybe your theories or thoughts may twist, but all in all you are the same.

you are that same little nervous person when it comes to conveying feelings, steer towards certain music when your mood changes, offer an opinion or advice when you feel someone can use it, sometimes hold on to things for too long and let your brain steep on them, and basically never EVER raise your voice to anyone.

At least thats me.

I think in the last 5 years I have SERIOUSLY yelled at two people that I can think of. And that doesn't include someone who you may think obvious.

(calling Cint a shtcnt in Coles doesn't count)

One was a dude at a party for a friend in Brisbane who was leaving their job and invited us along. He was just an all round self-important douche. And he deserved a good 'look mate, you are a rude, arrogant, fuckwit' which is exactly what he got from me. My heart beat a hundred miles a minute at that moment, but damn, I'd probably say it to that particular dude again!

The other one was someone who recently got in my face whilst working at the Hostel. No biggie. Tiredness and retarded behaviour on their part.

I go through big phases of being creative and of being determined. I do lose faith in myself and my abilities sometimes. When deep down I know that I am quite capable of many things that I may never accomplish because of lingering doubt.

And when nothing makes sense there are the same handful of people I go to immediately. I have been very lucky with the close girlfriends I have that they are so open and we can always bounce things off of each other in times of doubt and trouble.

The friend base stretches far and wide, these days over many countries, and I am blessed in the way that even though years may go by, we can always reconnect with ease. Like no time has passed.

Sometimes I wonder where my energy goes. I know this is partially health based, but also I guess it's part of getting older. Certain days you'd think I was full of beans, literally. Other days you could be mistaken for thinking that perhaps I will shortly explode. Or implode I guess.

I say it's part of getting older because when you're young, in high school for example, your ideas of the world I guess are more limited. Once you're completely responsible for yourself, and out in the job market, your own property, all that kind of thing, you are exposed to more ideas and more people. Therefore you see the good and the bad. I tend to ignore the bad, at least the things they have to say to me personally.

Luckily I am mostly surrounded with sweetness and light.

Thank you universe.

xx

one of the most inspirational shows...

i have seen is a while is this one whilst I was working at the Vogue Theatre in Vancouver.

had i more money at the time i would have certainly bought probably all albums or at least their DVD of visuals.

xx

ok so... it's almost time...

Yes. It's almost time to finalise my 2011 list and it's almost time to close this little travel chapter.

I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not really sure what I wanted to achieve here in Canadaland.

Okay so I kind of feel like I started out strong but then took a small step backwards again. This country really is huge and I feel like I haven't seen quite enough of it yet. So I will certainly be back, and if all goes according to plan I predict early May 2011.

Volunteering for the festivals when I got here was just amazing, met some great people, enjoyed the sunshine (and sometimes the rain), discovered more amazing music, and learned a couple of lessons...

like.... don't get so drunk that you give your cell number out to COMPLETE randoms!
well i guess a lesson learned is a lesson gained!!

Anyways, so if I had have stayed on that artsy path, the smart thing to do would have been to keep pushing to get paid arts based work here. But I didn't. I do kick myself a little for that, because it really has become more of my focus in the last two years.

I'm not saying that being in Banff wasn't fun, but I do think I should have left at the end of October like I had intended. It was great spending time with Leni the crazy cat and meeting the other fun folks up there. I still don't know how people do so much partying all the time, but I guess my idea of partying is slightly different somehow. Work 16 hour days at 3 day festivals, no worries! Too much to drink for me... results in a very long hangover. Well each to their own I suppose.

I have met some people who I feel are really important to me in both Vancouver and Banff, people that have taught me things, made me feel valued, or made me swoon. I could never forget any of them, and I hope to keep them in my life.

So back to Australia I will go shortly for the festival season and I will try, hopefully without fail, to do four months of arts based work and not have to fall back on any sort of lame temp job that I will end up getting stuck in for months and months like has happened in the past.

I do feel like I really need to concentrate on my health whilst I am back at home. Not that I have been feeling particularly bad (as in, don't panic or anything), but there are definitely still (stupid hereditary) things going on that are well within my control that I should be paying closer attention to. I hope with some advice and treatment back in Aus that I can start to do this properly and make some real life changes. Because it often does stress me out and sometimes makes me grumpy. And it's no way to be. By no means is it as bad as post-fally-downy-stairsy years, but sometimes it becomes uncomfortable.

Ultimately, well I'm still searching for the happiness within. I think we all are. And sometimes I feel like a stupid sad sack because I don't know what the ultimate happiness is or even should be. I mean who knows. I certainly shouldn't complain about circumstance because I put myself in the position I am in and only I can change it. We should all be wiser to remember that sometimes.

I guess I will know when I find it.

xx

back in VanGroovy...

after a 4 month stint working at the SameSun Hostel in Banff, Alberta, I have returned to BC!

Banff was pretty in the summer time, I managed to do some hiking around Banff and Lake Louise, get up to Jasper as well with Milen on the Moose bus one weekend, went to Calgary for the Calgary Reggae Fest, and also get down to Mexico with my old mate Leni.

I want to write much more about this... so let's save the rest of this post for tomorrow!

xx

But I will leave you with a link to this little gem, if you're on faceCOOL and like my little story, please click the LIKE button at the bottom!!

http://www.jetstar.com/au/en/Stories/ViewStory.aspx?code=8f26fe6b4ed8ac5bac8965ac940caafb

the rain, the rain...

Alberta.

Well I've seen a little of it now and I'm told these are the best bits. Surrounded by enormous mountains it is kind of strange how some days it just seems the same old, and some days you feel in awe of such rugged pieces of rock thrust out of the earth by some kind of molten force somewhere far below us.

I just moved into my own room in a place close to work in Banff with some cool kids.

Last night we made sushi and had a dance party in our kitchen fuelled by a lot of red wine.

xx

BP Oil Disaster Response Line...

Just thought I'd re-post this email I received back from them. Make sure you make them know it's NOT OKAY.

"Unified Command for the BP Oil Spill Deepwater Horizon Response

to me

show details Jul 14 (2 days ago)

The following inquiry was submitted to Unified Command for the BP Oil
Spill | Deepwater Horizon Response on 07/13/10 21:47 (492203):
From : Joint Information Center
Date : 07/14/10 10:35

Dear Ms. Faye,

Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. Every member of Unified
Command deeply regrets the impact this spill has had on wildlife and
the residents of the Gulf Coast. We are doing everything possible to
stop the flow from the well, contain spilled oil and minimize the
environmental impact and economic damage.

In the meantime, we appreciate your interest and concern, and encourage
you to follow our progress.

While ultimate responsibility for this terrible accident will be
determined in due time, right now all of us - Unified Command, BP, the
Administration, Federal, State and Local agencies and contracted
responders - are working together towards our ultimate goal of
environmental and economic restoration for the Gulf and its residents.

BP has assumed full responsibility for the spill, and where people have
legitimate claims for damages BP will honor them.

Regards,

Joint Information Center
Deepwater Horizon Response
------------------------------

-----------------------------------------
From : Julie Faye
Date : 07/13/10 21:47

The whole situation in the gulf is disgusting. I hope that your whole
company will be liable for all claims and all clean up costs.
Worst environmental disaster in years!
Makes me totally sick, I wouldn't even be driving a car right now even
if I hadn't recently sold mine.
I would volunteer, but certainly not through your organisation.

-----
If you have further questions or would like more information, feel
free to contact us via the link below.

https://www.piersystem.com/go/inquiry/2931/?i=492203"

I don't think they get it... it's not just people along the coast, they have affected the whole world by poisoning the ocean.

Douche-bags. xo

Festival it up folks...

well... i can walk 2.6kms with my massive pack on, in the blaring afternoon heat and not die. It's a start.

So I spent 5 days in Victoria on Vancouver Island for the Ska Fest. The fest was fun and I met some nice people and saw some great bands.

Katchafire and The Black Seeds represented our neighbours from the East (New Zealand) and The Resinators represented Australia.

My highlights were definitely the Cherry Poppin' Daddies and Fishbone.

Off to Banff in about 10 days to work in a Hostel up there.

But before that, the Vancouver Folk Music Festival will help me pass the time.

xx

Terry Goodkind - I think you're pretty awesome...

yeh so I do... and I'm ridiculously behind with the series I know, I know...

So I just finished reading Chainfire... there are at least two if not more books beyond this I am yet to read, and have just seen a new Richard / Kahlan book will arise in 2011.

I also didn't know there was a television show made out of the story. I mean, come on, have I been living in a bubble?!

Oh right, I was living in Brisbane.

Chainfire was a great read, once again, I hadn't really recalled the final parts of the previous book, perhaps a re-read at some point in the future, but you know you always get those little snippets of past events whilst reading, therefore it all made sense.

And so it begins... a great battle I am sure is about to ensue. And yet I am at the end with the answers to the puzzle, but not the battle to proceed it. ARGH! I hate it when that happens.

So anyways I will order the book to arrive before me in Banff, but am on to Chris Carlsson's NOWTOPIA, which he kindly signed for me at the group discussion a week or so back.

Oh... here is my 2010 list in case I have not posted it thus far... in fact I probably haven't... and you know, actually, I am not going so badly on some items:

1. Volunteer on at least 10 festivals - thus far, 1. Laneway (Brisbane), 2. Soundwave (Brisbane), 3. In The House (Vancouver), 4. Car Free Vancouver Day (Commercial Drive, East Van), 5. Vancouver Jazz Festival (starts today, my first shift is Sunday), Upcoming: 6. Victoria SkaFest (second week July), 7. Van Folk Fest (16-18 July), 8. Calgary Folk Fest (August)...

2. Get paid on at least 5 festivals - thus far, 1. Melb International Comedy Festival...

3. Pay 2K off credit card.... NEXT!!!

4. Lose 10 kilos... I have no idea how much I weigh so who knows

5. Travel to Canada, USA including Alaska.... part 1 complete!

6. Knock cholesterol down to 5.5 - yay hereditary illnesses!

7. Don't take jobs you don't care about!! - well i did one shitty job for the first couple months of this year but it was a means to an end (getting to MICF and getting OUT of Brisbane and getting TO Canada, so i kind of forgive myself for it)

8. Learn some french.... NEXT!!!

9. Plant some trees / learn about horticulture.... been researching this one... standby...

10. Read lots more books!! - 1. The Tale of Genji, Lady Murasaki (in progress) /2. Chainfire, Terry Goodkind / 3. Nowtopia - Chris Carlsson (currently reading)...

standby i said, standby...

foxtrot uniform charlie kilo... breaker breaker, do you read me?!

xx

things i've noticed about Vancouver...

There are LOADS of community gardens. They are everywhere. The lovely lady I am renting my head laying place from has one. They are just everywhere. And as you walk the streets you can often see into yards with fruitful gardens. Good on you Vancouver for trying to be super sustainable.

Also there are LOADS of cyclists. Which is also very cool. I mean not to the extend that they outnumber cars. But yeh it's pretty awesome. They do things like critical mass midnight bike rides and they had naked bike day here on Saturday. Hehe.

There are also quite a large number of homeless persons of all shapes and sizes, which makes me sad, and whilst I can somewhat understand it, I'd like to understand more why the help isn't getting to some of them. I think we all acknowledge that there will always be a portion of street persons who do want wish for assistance, but a few times i have seen the same lady with a particular sign, and it makes me kind of sad.

East Van is totally the place to watch the world cup right now if you're into that kinda thing. I mean I'm not but I may go watch a game or two, just to drink it up I guess.

Vancouver also has can and bottle deposit recycling like South Australia. Woo! (Why ALL Australian states don't have this I will just never know! It's up to 10 cents in SA, I mean catch up Australia!)

The weather is very unpredictable. We had a stunning sunny day here and a few hours ago it started to hail! I was kind of like hmmm... what's that... opened the blinds and low and behold it's bouncing off the window sill. Ha!

Buses are largely electric which is cool. I haven't been on the skytrain yet but I will eventually when I need to.

It is an expensive city, apparently one of the most expensive in the world. But it's all relative. It depends on how you want to live really. I'm more than happy in my current situation. Allowing me not to work and just concentrate on building my festival/arts network here.
Though there are little things you notice here and there that are more expensive, and then some less. Like berries of all descriptions are always cheaper than I have seen in Australia. But laundry powder is more costly, and I think toilet paper too.
The bus is certainly cheaper than Brisbane!! $2.50 for 90 minute transfer. There are other cheaper options I haven't quite sussed out yet like 10 trip saver type things and monthly passes.
If you wanted to buy a house round here though you'd be looking at a cool million but!

Canada, eh?!

xx

Canada, eh?!

Yes, it's even on t-shirts that... canada, eh?!

So I've been here a week and already worked a festival... www.inthehousefestival.com

What an interesting concept, strangely reminiscent of old parties in the suburb of Dulwich, South Australia, in which one time someone decided it was a good idea to light a flare and throw it onto the laundry floor filling the house with smoke!!

The weather held out beautifully for Saturday but Friday and Sunday were rainy off and on, causing a little havoc.

Moved much furniture, met nice people, had a laugh, had a boogie, stayed with a nice lady who has been doing exactly what i am now trying to do for the last twenty years (she, not i).

Vancouver is very pretty. It's easy to know which direction you are going because as long as you can see the mountains, you know it's North!

Bought another jacket to rival the ever popular 'kermit jacket'... similar in style but peach, and this time a bargain at $5...

Hopefully have found a place to stay for at least a few weeks, small studio space in the vicinity of Commercial Drive. Which, you know, is apparently one of the places to be in this town. A little bo-ho, lots of organic places, nice houses... so yay to that. Cross all available appendages that it all goes without a hitch.

Moving in that is.

xx

my friend the shazzy-cake...

hey that's weird.

anyhoo, my friend Sharon now has a new online store for her handmade kids clothing. You can find it here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/sparklepanda

that be all. xo

Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2010

I had the absolute pleasure of working in the Victoria Hotel with a bunch of awesome front of house, engineers and performers at this years festival.

It was my maiden voyage as a worker and I hope I held up my end of the bargain.

Here's a couple of random pics. xo

Rodriguez...

yes that's right, RODRIGUEZ... not of the vs gabriela variety but of 70's stoner folk rock guy.

Went to the Corner Hotel in Richmond last night, my first time there apart from picking up the ticket. The beer was relatively cheap, the crowd really huge and receptive and it was simply a great night indeed. Photos to come.

And at the end some girl near me said 'man, he only made two albums and he couldn't even play STREET BOY?!" which made me laugh.

back to work again tonight. only 9 days left of the festival. i may cry.

xx

2010...

Well hi 2010, thanks for stopping by, you sure are turning out to be a nice little year indeed...

Rodriguez C Gabriela - Sunset Sounds, Riverstage, Brisbane, Jan 2010

Amanda sliced and diced my hair at the end of February...

Played at X&Y once Tank arrived in Queensland...!!

And I packed up my little house in Bristanbul and headed for Melbourne Town...

thanks for being patient, dear readers, if there are any of you left that is... there will be more, real, detailed, crazy tales very soon i can tell you.

xx

*blowing the dust off the blog*

oh sorry blog... i keep telling you i will look after you like a puppy and i get so caught up in the universe and stupid other interweb based programs that i neglect you... accept my deepest apologies...

so recently... ok so this year totally blew for about the first three months for a variety of reasons... apart from having the complete misfortune of being involved with someone who had put too many holes in their brain and didn't understand the words 'common decency', fell out of work and was completely broke at the wrong time too... well i mean this is never for long but it was all terribly bad timing.

anyways, took me a wee while to understand and all, but the point of the whole thing was well you can't control other peoples behaviour, only your own. and the reality is that i walked away a little bruised but unscathed really. and truly have been having a WAY more fun time instead of hibernating with the one person all the time.

i mean shiz, it can be totally great hibernating with a special person, but starting to believe i was more like a convenient piece of equipment to prop up the ego and cop all of the negative rantinga bout the universe than anything else. shit happens eh?

and so more recently and quite by chance i met someone out and about in brisbane who evidently is a little bit special... has been completely upfront about baggage from the get-go, albeit brief, confessed to missing me after not really having been apart for all that long (i felt exactly the same, and said so, is it stupid?) and being simply happy in my company... and has now asked for time to get his focus back and sort out some aforementioned baggage. which is completely fine with me. it's way too important to be let lie so i would never stand in the way of anything like that. my door is totally always open to him and i am grateful to know an adult who just steps up and says it rather than fucking me around.

people who know me very well probably realise that i am a frikn prude, don't sleep around or waste my time too much with people that aren't worth my time (ooh, except that ex-one, my bad).

so i leave it as it lies, press pause as it were, and just keep asking the universe to assist him with his gear and me with my gear, and that we will again cross paths and be excited about each others company...

xxoo

how did i know...

that i would become less of a prude in my old age?!

haha, yes yes i know not that old particularly but you know, it kind of works in that sentence...

today i had the delicious Gabi stab me in the guts with body jewellery.

i want my tattoo designed by my best mate and tattooed by a lovely lady who shared my house with me last year.

i want to go out and see more music and i want to be more creative and sing a lot more.

and make random videos for youtube to share silliness with the universe.

i bought some cowboy boots.
and some more perfume.
thanks to the pennies from kevin that is.

however i do overall feel like i will not fuck up or fail myself this time and certainly won't forget who i am for the sake of somebody else.
about freakn time.

rock.
and god damn do i want that boy ;)
no not THAT boy... a different one.
xJ

ps. this is rocking my world right now...

can't sleep...

because i think i just worked something out...

as you get older you all recognise that time actually moves terribly quickly...

hence, the reason that my mind is still bouncing around like a yo-yo is that it feels like it wasnt that long ago.

when the reality of the situation is that its taking me just about as long as the actual 'relationship' lasted itself to get out of the funk.

sometimes i guess you think you know people... when in reality you dont know shit.

so i wipe my hands of it all. numbers have been deleted. i am giving up trying to be nice. etc. etc. and seriously trying to get on with my life.

so much has actuallly happened since then when i think about it. i have done heaps of stuff, fun stuff, hard work, and made quite a bit of progress personally.

besides that, i keep meeting rad people who i love and they don't need a sad sack around ruining their chi either.

he never ever saw me angry, few people do, it usually takes a lot for me to actually yell, but if i saw him now i'd give him a piece of my mind. tenthousand.

i mean you have to be pretty stupid to use your womans computer...

thankyou thankyou to s, s + c for all of your support. i love all three of you crazy ladies. lots.

xJ

jebus tapdancing ch-rist!

hahahaha! almost laughable what i discovered today.

isn't it funny when people have two sides, possibly a split personality, and obviously no respect for the woman who is supporting them.

and who in their right mind advertises for such 'relations' on myface? retards that's who.

so initially i freaked and went 'what the...?' and now i just think whatever dude.

seriously, had fun, no regrets, except perhaps i wasted time worrying about it for so long afterwards.

bwargh hargh hargh hargh hargh. loser.

his number deleted, associated relatives numbers also deleted. I've had enough and am looking forward to getting on with my existence.

applied for work at another festival today. have got two more lined up already for later in the year. looking good.

and i will get my proper contract for work this week, even though i can see we are in for a long tough time...

heading off to drink with my bestie and her bro and some visiting englishmen. i can tell there will be much beer and silliness. just what i need. looking forward to it.

have a gorgeous evening all.

xxJ (the amused)

life in bristanbul...

well i feel a wee bit more like me and a little less like sad sack confused julie which is particularly nice.

body is very sore, probably too much fluffing about on the laptop this weekend.

just had a quick phone convo with a mate who i have left behind in adelaide. kinda sad.

but yes, the last week or so we have been cooking lots, talking crap, walking home in the middle of the night, spending time with nice people and i have been working particularly hard.

xxJ

the globe...

random!

dark corners...

lampy mclamp lamp...

ez pez...

umm, i don't think the pool cue's on fire...

me and new roomie yvette...

all in all disappointed with the 20 bux we spent to see an 'intimate' show of the basics.... film when you wanna see the real band is a bit ripped off. not to say you guys aren't good but brian and i went for coffee and cake and returned and were still disappointed.

boo hiss.

xxJ

it's raining....

again!
see it would be good if we could all stand outside, blow, and move these clouds down to SA where they need it a hell of a lot. or at least blow half of them.

saw my ex lover and friend the other day. it made me kind of sad. because even though the whole thing really hurt, and i have been through every emotion imaginable in the past couple of months, i still miss my friend.

but because he is not willing to talk about it and seems only ashamed of the whole thing, i am not sure there is a point seeing him unless he changes his mind about discussing it.

so i mainly spent the weekend smoking, drinking and sleeping. not to excess or anything, but of course i am again distracted, worried about money, worried about myself, trying to get my motivation and my mojo back...

i think, overall, i am tired of feeling like shit, feeling drained and feeling confused.

i guess i know that it was nothing to do with me. troubled? yes.

xJ

where did you get that funk???

where did you get that funk....???

so many people got twitter accounts because ellen degeneres said so. hehe. that's funny.

so i'm still kind of in this funk because now that i'm a week or so behind in rent, with little cash, starting work again on monday, need a housemate, waiting to hear on melb comedy festival work application, lah lah lah.

on top of that my computer decided to shit itself but at the moment it's stable. which is terribly weird, they're sending me a new hard drive and everything but it seems ok since i got it to do a check disk thingy. damn technology. especially when i need it to look for courses and jobs and such and such.

anyhoo so cross your fingers and toes that a) i can eat for the next week, b) my sleeping goes back to normal and c) i can meet a non emotionally retarded man sometime soon as well. hehe.

much love,
xJ

fringey bits...

Monski Mouse spruking for the Puppet Palace

Leigh Stardust in between sets at the Garden...

me and shuzzbutt hanging in the garden...

Frehd Astarr - There's Something About Fairy - Rhino Room

xJ

struggling a bit today...

it's taking all of my willpower to refrain from being nice as well...

it's his birthday today you see. i would have spoilt him rotten today and been taking him to a-town for fringey goodness this week... instead i am going alone.

thought i didn't care, i obviously do. damn emotions!

anyhooooo... watching 'smart people' for the second time, as the first time i didn't really watch it properly, but as you can probably tell again i am not watching it properly! BUT i will say that i think it's quite a good interesting movie indeed, they're all a bit disfunctional. i like that.

can't wait til they fix the roof properly then i can set the bloody office back up properly!
well set it up PROPERLY for the first time i guess. starting to move in the right circles i feel... it's taking me a while but i know the year of the darned earth ox is upon us so it will not be easy for many of us.

oh and it's so darned hot again today as well, must be mid 30's at least... and not much air moving. quite unpleasant. yukky.

have a great day anyways folks!
xJ

pappy smurfday to Tor... pappy smurfday to Tor...

Sammi, Tor, Moi

we went for a little adventure to the Merthyr Bowls Club to have some bevs for Tor's birfday on Wednesday night... we had fun.

Sammi has loaned me a hair straightener so I'll have a play with it later today and see how random my self hairdressing skills are!

Have been playing on ebay, putting up some books et al. Also still waiting for my roof to be fixed and it's getting worse and worse by the day. Eek!

Planted some capsicum (pepper for you americans), basil and poppy seeds, hopefully they'll all come up trumps. Not going too badly for someone who has never grown Broccoli or Carrots before. I have had to erect a make-shift shade structure for the broccoli because they do get too much sun in the afternoon. Darn it I thought I had sussed it properly. Oh well we shall see how they go!!

Oh... and I got a 280 phone bill for all the confused calls i made after shitty shitty bang bang with boy. grrrr. double grrr.

but i'll get a new phone next week with a bonus PSP so that will make me smile momentarily.

have a gorgeous day.
xxJ

on with the show...

so i've transplanted my two broccoli plants that were sitting in a pot getting big enough to move into the garden bed... we shall see. go broccoli go!!

seem to be about 3 carrots going great guns as well. don't quite trust growing things under the soil in the garden bed so am keeping these in their pot. yay.

might try germinate some basil. basil is goood.

new hairdo looks fab but of course i wet it this morning in the shower so it's back to whispy mcfly away randomness so i will have to work out how to keep it managed without buying expensive hair drying implements!

haha.
have a gorgeous day.
xJ

a change is as good as a haircut...

and i have a sexy new one.

so there!

mwa mwa.

xJ

torn in two again...

well well well... and what should little julie faye do in this situation. just leave?
that makes me feel like i would be running away from something that was out of my control.
very silly.

last night i finally actually had a cry. it didn't last too long though. i'm just sick of thinking about the whole thing. i still feel concern, but as previously mentioned, the whole thing is out of my hands. having been the person in the last 3 or 4 months that has seen him at his happiest and his saddest, how he could push me away so viciously is beyond me. and the fact i was defamed for it is quite hard to deal with, because i simply don't get it. i just don't. have never ever experienced anything like it and hope i do not have to ever again.

everyone has been wonderful and listened to my surprisingly logical rants about the whole thing, sorry that some of you are probably way sick of it but it was quite a punch in the guts. should i just start being a bitch and not nice to anyone or something?! i don't think so.

some of it seems quite comical actually, doesn't mean the whole thing doesn't suck.

hmmm.... was so ready to have someone in my life too. still am.

where's my freakn apology jerk??!

xJ

we shall see then...

Daily Libra Horoscope - 20th February, 2009
I think it was Ghandi (forgive me if it wasn't, I'm in an Internet-free zone and can't check!) who said that we should be the change that we want to see in the world. That's an amazing concept. Imagine. You want your partner to live more healthily, so you rev up your own diet to be more healthful. Or you want peace in the world so you make up with someone you're feuding with. Etc. And this is relevant to you today because? You have a chance to turn one very close (maybe even blood-) relationship around today. If not today, then very soon.
(from yahoo7, moonology.com)

not him though, definately NOT him.
xxJ

so anyways...

i don't feel regret, remorse, grief, sadness, i feel some concern somewhere in the back of my head, because there was obviously something wrong that i was unable to tap into. i feel that all the people that need to know the reality of the situation already know. except one.

he forgets that i'm the kind of sentimental person that keeps messages and photographs... why i didn't write here what was making me feel so much connection and joy is beyond me. i have written some of it down to remind me. and perhaps if i had actually shown it to him, he would have gotten it. well it's mine now and noone can see it.

i enjoyed my time with him mostly, learnt some things about myself, and that's never a bad thing. i kind of believe i am beginning to not like drama. i also believe the 'return of saturn' is really and truly upon me. whether you believe in the way the stars and the universe affect you is irrelevant really. after having a read about it i definately see it. the person i am now is probably going to be the person i will be forever. so don't get caught up in the drama and just keep moving.

i quite like to be generous. it will probably mean i can never save money but i'd rather be remembered for being generous than for being a prude or simply a receiver and not a giver.

i am simply progressing with my years goals and perhaps will do some more research soon... in fact i know i will. might just take some time.

have been enjoying the company of good friends. and trying to get in touch with others that were left by the wayside...

and the ultimate decision whether i am done with this city still looms.

xJ

can't say much more...

because the following words have been bounding around in my head in the last few days...

truth... karma... childish... gutless...

so i had a fun weekend, got completely trashed up at redcliffe at the RSL and afterwards at a mates place, i think i was the first one to go lie down. oh well. got a bit sunburnt yesterday sitting by their pool, but it was really placid and chilled with nice people and good conversation, exactly what i needed.

so now i have to do dishes as a friend is coming for dinner... and washing. boo hiss.

much love, xJ

lah lah

so... yesterday i hit the wall of shock about 11am and had to leave work. i tried to sleep but that didn't help cos i just didn't sleep.

because of the way he had been acting and reacting emotionally to things, curled up on my bed unable to move after a visit to his relative, i had believed everything that he had told me.
now i'm not sure he knows what to believe of himself. maybe he has told too many lies and they started to spiral when last week i started to question.

there is no point speculating, i can't help him now. i was willing to do so much, be so patient, be so caring, making sure he always ate, making sure he was entertained, making sure his dog was cared for sometimes in his absence... so i was used up... i'm not sure why.

i'm not saying i'm not convinced that what i shared with him didn't seem genuine, i wouldn't have bought it otherwise. he's either a very smooth operator or a very confused little bunny.
and yes there is nothing else i can do for him, nor would i want to now that i can see that he's been spreading lies.

there is nothing worse than a liar.
and i would hate for a liar to bring me down.

at least i have rediscovered the ability to write logically, with some emotion, like i often have done in the past so that i will remember all of this, remember to question much earlier, and not believe things said about friends of mine which seem questionable to me.

i am pretty exhausted, mentally, physically, haven't eaten properly in over a week, certainly haven't slept properly, but there is no point trying to work it out in my head, the whole thing is cruel. he had better stay away from me.

if he ever calls to try and apologise i will simply say 'that's nice, tell the truth' or perhaps as simple as 'you have said enough'.

doubt it, he's gutless and lazy.

and here ends the lesson.
and i guess the lesson is.... if something doesn't seem quite right to you, question it.
xJ

wow...

i have been pushed, pulled and finally pushed away by someone that i thought had cared quite deeply for me only to find that it was obviously not true.

whatever is going on in that brain has nothing to do with me and i cannot take it personally, however i am currently struggling with eating and sleeping and am in complete shock.

i hope that at some point he will feel remorse, regret, something, something that would make him as human as i.

i can't believe it, i simply can't believe it.
xJ

aqualung vs coldplay

AQUALUNG SHITS ALL OVER COLDPLAY!

That's really all i have to say.

xJ