i love my job...

i really do... but it must be the thought that very soon i will have ten whole days off that makes me feel not particularly motivated...

my workmate thinks i trust to much sometimes, trust to much in the good in people, when they're likely to shit all over you. i think that shows no faith in humanity whatsoever... either that or a lot of past hurt.

the thing is, if you don't allow yourself to be kind and to like somebody for exactly who they are, then how can you expect it back? if you don't respect someones need for you, or need to be alone, or need to be irresponsible or need to put you back in your place then sure, you may get burned once in a while, but will you ever have any real friends without allowing someone the freedom to muck up every now and again?

everyone learns from mistakes, and sometimes you have to be hurt to make someone remember that.

i am not hurting now, but one friendship i have is eventually going to keehaul me, i know it.

i was really angry at myself this afternoon, because whilst thinking about something else and doing some filing at work, i kicked an archive box that was under a table and my knee popped again. i was like 'brilliant! two months of pain and it nearly being back to normal and i have to fuck it up again'...
i was really angry with myself and canned plans to walk home with my other workmate, which i do regularly as we live in the same area. i thought i should get on a bus, but decided against it. walked all the way home, worked up a sweat, had a cold shower, sat around, began to feel better. it's less painful now, but that could be the anti-inflammatories...

i haven't been sleeping very well lately which could be attributed to a number of things. the sun coming up at 4am (yes 4AM! SUX!), not working hard enough at the end of my day to tire my body so that it needs rest... never ending thoughts, thousands swirl and tumble within my head, as they do to most of you i am sure.

i feel like being ridiculous irresponsible this weekend as King Daddy from my home town of RADelaide will be gracing the stage at the Troubador on Friday. Maybe i will be ridiculously irresponsible, as long as my friend is there to hold me upright i should be fine.

I can't wait for my adventure o/s in february... and no kirsty, i'm still not telling you where we are going!!

if you're reading, leave me a comment kids.
love ya GUTS!
xJ