yes... finding yourself is hard.
i think i've always been true to the person i am, however at the moment, where that person has gone, I couldn't say...
 
i recently pigeon-holed a close friend a 'wandering star'... but i actually think i'm becoming exactly the same thing. i don't belong here.
 
this said, i don't actually know where I do belong, but I know if I don't do something soon... I will be sad for a very long time.
 
Avoiding anti depressants at all costs, i have started to take St John's Wort, known for it's mood enhancing capabilities.  As I said earlier today to my GP, I just need a good kick in the arse.
 
I wish I knew how to snap out of this. At least I'm very aware of it, know it will eventually pass, and can openly speak about it with little to no problem.
 
Going to the States is looking less and less likely, because of the fact that I have had my car advertised in both the Trader and the Advertiser today, and I have had not one single phone call all day.  Which kind of annoys me... but what can you do really *shrug*.
 
If it doesn't happen now, I'll go annoy Mikey later, but might actually ditch my lease early and drive up to Brisneyland after all.  The next few weeks will be full on for me I think.  I've got 3 weeks left at current temp job, then on to something new I guess... we shall see.
 
And I missed my favourite person by about 100 metres last night. Damn it!
(refer: adored 'therapist' and most stunningly beautiful  man I know - whether or not he believes that is a totally other story)
 
adios,
xJ