"how would you like it if I came over with my click?"

what the hell is "my click"?

anyway.... blame the subject header on the fact i'm listening to destinys child presently... and no, i know, based on my radio play list posts you're probably thinking 'wha'?' but destinys child are da shit and I wont hear otherwise, ok? good, glad we got that sorted.

it occurs to me that I possibly need an entirely overhauled personality. I don't know, I guess people that know me, know me well, so put up with all the quirks and weird crap i get up to...

Presently, much like gothqueen and several other bloggers and people I know... there is change in the air... we all want to change things about ourselves. In my case, I don't want to become an old negative person.

One reason I kind of mention that is that I have an elderly relative who is constantly complaining about how sick she feels, how bad she has it, how her family ignores her blah blah, and the honest truth is that is bullshit! She has her whole family revolving around her, and trying to appreciate her, but she's like a selfish spoilt teenager still. It really upsets me you know because I love my family, everyone in it, there's not one cousin, aunt or uncle that i dislike... (well, nearly) but I'm scared that this person will die old and alone, and bitter, thinking that they didn't enjoy life because they spent too much of it complaining...

I never want to be like that, I'd rather someone hit me over the head with a piece of 4x2 and be done with it.

I don't know how I got to this point I am at now... I don't know why I feel I need to be different, and in some ways I don't... apart from the negativity thing, however, it appears to me that a couple people I thought I knew quite well get confused by me.... or, more exactly, think I talk too much crap.

Now, dear readers of the blog, I know there is a *load* of crap in here somewhere back in the archives... (for which the link is still missing by the way, sorry about that) but I don't think its all bad. In fact, some of it I consider intelligent, logical, and the like.

hmm.

anyway, this is kind of a ramble I may remove, so if you get to read it, good for you.
or something.

hmm double hmm.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do to improve the quality of my life... I'm stuck again, but at least I've picked up a book for the first time in six months...

Actually, I do know one thing in particular that I want, but I am not 100% confident that it's going to work... therefore I leave it in limbo for a time... there are very few people that know what I am actually talking about here... It involves being in love... at least I wish I was more sure that's what it is...

xJ