i am spiralling...

out of control...

seriously!

not even aimee mann is settling me down at the moment, and that's saying something.

if you love someone, set them free? what a fucking joke!
did someone really think it was *THAT* easy? if they did they need a new brain.

That's Just What You Are: Aimee Mann
In our endeavor we are never seeing eye to eye
No guts to sever so forever may we wave goodbye
And you're always telling me that it's my turn to move
When I wonder what could make the needle jump the groove

I won't fall for the oldest trick in the book
So don't sit there and think you're off of the hook
By saying there is no use changing 'cause

That's just what you are
That's just what you are

Acting steady always ready to defend your fears
What's the matter with the truth, did I offend your ears
By suggesting that a change might be a thing to try
Like it would kill you just to try and be a nicer guy

It's not like you would lose some critical piece
If somehow you moved point "A" to point "B"
Maintaining there is no point changing 'cause

That's just what you are
That's just what you are

Now I could talk to you 'til I'm blue in the face
But we still would arrive at the very same place
With you running around and me out of the race

So maybe you're right nobody can take
Something older than time and hope you could make
It better, that would be a mistake

So take it just so far
'Cause that's just what you are
That's just what you are
That's just what you are

Acting steady always ready to defend your fears
What's the matter with the truth, did I offend your ears
You're like a sleepwalking man, it's a danger to wake you
Even when it is apparent where your actions will take you

That's just what you are
And that's just what you are
That's just what you are
That's just what you are
ENDE


Just when I get ready to put my foot down, someone starts to care again!!
Just when I'm ready to work hard, settle myself down for a bit but flock off travelling at the end of the year...

I don't know what I want out of life anymore, not that I think I ever have...
I hold on to so many things, take things very personally... I'm sure it's a bad quality to have. I mean, I suppose it says that you care but shit, sometimes I wish I just forgot what was said, and stopped dreading what is yet to be said.


Ray: Aimee Mann
Ray, as of today
I can't say things will ever be the same
And that could be a shame

'Cause though I think I know
Another lonely exile when I see one
And you appear to be one
Still...

I'm playing it down 'cause I could really be found
If you've got it to spare
I'm playing it cool but it's terribly cruel
'Cause I ought to be there

And Ray, what can I say
You don't know me and it's just wishful thinking
To keep myself from sinking

And hence, no evidence
To support any theory I have handy
That you could understand me
And so...

I'm playing it down 'cause I could really be found
If you've got it to spare
I'm playing it cool but it's terribly cruel
'Cause I ought to be there

('Cause you're as bad off as me)

And Ray, can we repay
Ourselves for days that we've
lost through indecision
With one of recognition

If so, then here I go
'Cause some things you know
And some you just believe in
And hope it comes out even

I'm playing it down 'cause I could really be found
If you've got it to spare
I'm playing it cool but it's terribly cruel

'Cause I ought to be there
I ought to be there
I ought to be there
ENDE

I didn't sleep last night... for more reasons than the physical ones... I play and replay conversations over in my head, play ones that haven't even occured yet... and keep my head spinning so I can't sleep.

...except I forgot I had chamomile tea downstairs, should have drunk some.

I don't know how to explain any of this without going too much into my consciousness... my private life... and I know I know I know I've projected so much of it already on here, but I don't want to project some of these things. Because I honestly think I'm going slowly insane. And if I can't calm my head down soon I'm really going to do some damage to myself.

"maybe everything is all for nothing, still you'd better keep it to yourself
cos god knows it's not safe with anybody else" It's not safe: Aimee Mann

xJ