in eight days...

or thereabouts, I shall be boarding yet another plane to head off over the great worlds oceans to somewhere I haven't been yet.

Recent experiences again fulfilling me however there was still confusion and hollowness in my being. At least I can say I've dumped smoking, and on a professional note, achieved what I had wanted to in my time back. Health wise not so much, but the knocking on the head of the smoking is the beginning of course. I give myself permission to eat unhealthy shit for at least a little while. That will stop very soon indeed.

Woah, slightly deep, okay so hey it's 1:08am. (At least that first sentence in the last paragraph!) I am contemplating the fact that I have about a week left in my home country before going exploring again, I know I am still pretty broke and therefore have to find work straight away once arriving, which is kind of shite.

More and more so lately I have wished beyond anything that money was not the object that we are all constantly up against.

And also further can't stop thinking about what actual aspect of festivals / performing / the arts I would really want to be in. Whilst never pursuing the 'on stage' part of my teens, somehow it is evident that it is there, wriggling away deep down inside. The fucking wimp pussy part of me thinks that just being the supporter (producer, executive producer or otherwise) of others is a wiser idea. Perhaps the idea of failure is what I dread.

Then again it's the old thing of if you don't try how the hell would you ever know.

Come on brain, stop fucking around and get to the point would you??!

Indeed.

xx

hmmm... perhaps this doesn't even make sense... RANT!

Mission almost accomplished.... well, you know, not bad i say. not bad indeed.

so my original intention was to return to Australia with the idea of making festivals my full time working environment. And who woulda thunk it?! It's actually worked.

No doubt there have been a few stressful moments. Playing catchup financially is not fun, lack of communication on some organisers parts also not fun. Train lines being disrupted for upgrades JUST as I arrive somewhere, floods, etc etc.

In the reality of it all though, I guess those things are minor. My main problem is, I guess, that I decided a while back the corporate world is not for me. However I have also always had a regular pay cheque. 13 years of regular pay cheques in fact, give or take a few months. And therefore when I am not 100% certain when the next one will hit my bank account, get a little stressed.

It's really unfortunate that my stress is about money, considering how non-capitalist my brain feels about our world and the universe.

It's certainly occurred to me the easiest way to fix that stress is to beat the crap outta my credit card and get rid of it. It shall take some time indeed, but it's a big one for me. Definitely high on my priority list. Once it's gone I really can fully relax.

Whilst I recognise that we get paid exceptionally well compared to some other countries here in Australia, I can also acknowledge that we get ridiculously ripped off with most things here also. I guess I've always known that but not taken it so seriously as now.

As an example of a 'local' issue: The big wigs of capitalism can argue all they like for a GST to be put on imported items bought online and all that garb, but the truth is... why can we buy something for $2.99 including postage from Hong Kong when it costs $25 in a shop here. Markup? Taxes? What the hell? So why wouldn't people just import items independently from overseas, via online shopping. Besides, a GST on something like that will only add another 30cents, so it's really not going to do much. They think they are losing out. Well I tell you what, I've never bought anything except a mobile phone from Hardley Normal anyways. Guess I'm less of a consumer than some.

It kind of makes me think though that perhaps, finally, with all of the news local and international and the natural disasters and all, people really are beginning to take stock. Perhaps they're donating their money and their time and even giving away items they discover they don't really need, rather than going in droves to buy new stuff. For some people this has always been normal, for others maybe it's a new revelation. I'd like to think it's making more people socially aware, even though occurrences lately are pretty disastrous on a human and a natural environment scale.

ranty rant rant. that's all for now. xx